Wednesday, August 27, 2008
I miss him. This morning I found a pair of his socks and his boxers on my bathroom floor. *sigh* At least I can talk to him when I want to now! And I know he's safe.
Anywho, just wanted to throw out a line and let you all know I'm still around! I WILL be blogging about TN, soon, I just gata figure out what I wana say :).
Happy Wednesday everyone!
Friday, August 15, 2008
Every second he's been back has been wonderful. Feels like the world has fallen back into place which is a pretty refreshing feeling. Stealing kisses, secret hand squeezes, and I love you whispers late at night right before you fall asleep - life doesn't get much better than this.
Tennessee isn't meant to be a "vacation" so to speak. He's got some running around to do and work to accomplish before he starts school next week. I'm helping him unpack his room and domesticating the two man household for a bit. I don't think we have much planned (although, you've seen how the man is with surprises, I never know everything) other than normalcy... which is just fine by me. I'd say we deserve it after the last year.
I've come to realize something in the time that he was away and that is, Home... for me anyway, is wherever he is, because HE is home to me. Like I said, things just feel right when we're together.
I know, I tend to babble on about how wonderful he is... but shoot me, I'm in love, and absolutely crazy about him, what do you expect? :)
Anywho, tomorrow we set out on our grand adventure! I've got fresh batteries in the camera and will hopefully still be the googly eyed girl in love upon arrival in TN. I can't promise by hour 10 he's not going to want to drop me off at the next rest stop... but we'll see! (Like I said, I pee a lot on road trips). Wish us luck! Have a great weekend everyone!
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Here's how it happened -
This morning Sgt. sent me a good morning text message and asked me what time I had to be at work. He then told me he forgot to charge his phone last night and was on his way back to the house to plug it in but he would call me later. What he was REALLY doing was going to the airport and getting on a plane :). I happened to stop by his cousins printing shop in town during my lunch hour and was there chatting with her when a family friend told her to come outside... so we walked outside and low and behold there is a handsome man in uniform standing behind a wall. I screamed :) - she hugged him and I just stood there kind of shocked for a minute and then my brain kicked in and I went to hug him. I was shaking, heart was racing, the whole 9 yards.
I LOVE SURPRISES!!!!
He did good... normally I figure out something is up but this time he got me good. I'm so glad he's here!! I saw him for about 3 min. and then had to head back to work - which is where I am now... unable to focus. Honestly... what I'm thinking (other than the fact that I just want to be where HE is....) is, I didn't go get my car washed and my apt. is a DISASTER because I just moved in. When I say disaster... I mean it. *sigh* I guess that's the OCD in me?
*happy dance happy dance happy dance* HE'S HERE!!!! :)
He just showed up at work, for surprise number two! He came bearing flowers, chocolate brownie, and mango tea. God, I love that man!
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
How did I miss this? He asked if I wouldn't mind cooking while I'm staying with him this next week. I love to cook so it was sort of a given, I had planned on doing it anyway, but it was sweet of him to ask. So this entire week, I've been using D.A.R.'s method and trying to plan a week of meals in order to maximize usefulness of grocery items while still providing a little variety. In my forgetfulness though... I've been planning more "supper" meals rather than lunch meals... WHAT THE HECK DO I MAKE FOR LUNCH?
This wouldn't have even crossed my mind because I don't really eat a big lunch... but this morning while talking to Sgt. he said lunch was his favorite meal... that that is usually his biggest meal. Now, I know he's not going to complain, he probably doesn't even know I'm freaking out about it (and won't till he reads this) but I really want to cook for him... I just don't know what to cook for lunch! I mean... I can't make a casserole for lunch, right? Leftovers yes.... I suppose so but... basically I am at a loss.
HELP! Recipes, ideas, thoughts, recommendations (even for dinners, I'm still open to suggestions) - I can use some serious reinforcements right about now folks.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
"He's never called me beautiful, never." - This is what my best friend vented to me about her current boyfriend last night as we were getting ready to go out for my birthday. The reason she pointed that out as a specific complaint was because not 5 minutes earlier, while she was arguing with her boyfriend over the phone about his tone of voice, I was texting Sgt. back and forth and he sent me a message that said:
"Happy Birthday Beautiful"
I continued to listen as she vented about some of the issues they've been having, she told me
"I don't feel like he would fight for me, I feel like if I told him I wanted to break up that he could care less one way or the other. He actually told me the other day while we were fighting 'you just want me to give you the damn world' and I thought to myself... YEAH I DO, what's so wrong with that?" As she's venting I started to think about past relationships I've been in and other men I've dated. There have been some lows... let me tell ya! I've dated guys like that, I've dated guys MUCH WORSE than that... and now, I have him. The second that thought crossed my mind I couldn't help but smile. My best friend finished her vent and we decided to not let him ruin her evening but as we were driving off to dinner I couldn't stop thinking about Sgt. and all the little things he does for me.
Did you know the man actually has a GOAL to make sure that he tells me at least once, every day, that he thinks I'm beautiful? Sure, we get on each others nerves every now and then and sometimes we frustrate each other, but he has NEVER, not once, disrespected me. Even if we are arguing, which is rare, I am never worried that he could care one way or the other if he had me. I know without a doubt that man would fight for me (in a literal sense I'm sure... but I'm talking more of a big picture, fight to keep me, fight for my heart, not give up on me sort of thing). I might need a little more reassurance from time to time, because that's just the way I am, but even then, deep down I know how much he cares about me. He's patient with me when I have to pee on road trips every 45 minutes, when I am lost driving us through down town San Antonio and about to take a wrong turn down a one way street.... he doesn't get mad, or frustrated. He's patient with me when my hormones are through the roof and I'm grumpy towards him for no good reason. He remembers little things like how I take my coffee, and to always have a sweatshirt or blanket handy because I'm almost always cold. He laughs with me, picks on me (in a funny joking manner), and can keep up with my sarcasm. He takes the lead and lets me be the girl I am. He LISTENS to me when I need to vent, when I need his advice, when I want to be mushy, when I talk about the mundane and repetitive parts of my day... he listens and talks to me. He actually cares how my day is. He's my FRIEND. He makes sure I'm safe, and taken care of, but appreciates my independence. He absolutely loves just making me smile. And Sgt. gives me the world every single day that he's in mine.
Where, and how, did I find this man?
I tell him often that I think he's amazing and that I appreciate him so much for who he is and what he does for me. However, after last night, I really think I should do that more. A lot of my friends have been having boyfriend issues lately and every time I listen to them, I am so thankful I am with who I'm with. It puts everything in perspective and I laugh at how ridiculous it is that I complained two days ago about him seeming snappy on the phone. I wish all of my girlfriends had someone who cared for and respected them the way he does me. I have not only been blessed... I have been divinely favored by having him placed in my life.
I was listening to my ipod on shuffle today and the song "The day before you" came on. I think it says it best:
I had all but given up on finding the one that I could fall into on the day before you. I was ready to settle for less than love and not much more, there was no such thing as a dream come true. Oh, but that was all the day before you. Now you're here and everything's changing, suddenly life means so much. I can't wait to wake up tomorrow and find out this promise is true. I will never have to go back to the day before you.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
I asked him last night "so how does it feel?"
"it's weird... I don't know yet"
that's pretty much what I expected. Closing a chapter of your life is never always good or always bad... like Sgt. said, most of the time, at first, it's just "weird."
He's out of the Army. Not that that necessarily makes me "happy" the way most people would perceive it. I love that Sgt. was a soldier (it is so weird to use past tense) and I'm so proud of him for wanting to become an officer - so no, I'm not all "No more Army, YAY" - ok ok...... SORT OF, :) but only because it means having him home for a while.
He arrived back in the states yesterday and got to his new home yesterday evening. I still won't see him for another 5 days so it's a little weird in that it doesn't feel like he's quite home yet, but we'll get there!! I can't wait to see him.
He's got a lot on his plate for this next week. I really hope he's able to accomplish what he wants to do so that way he can decompress a little bit. Everything now is just really tense and high stress... not between us, (at times, but we're still great!) just overall. Like I said before, lots of changes happening at once.
Last night we were able to talk on the phone for almost an hour so that was nice. Earlier in the day I talked to him for a few minutes once he arrived, but he was very short and snappy, which kind of ticked me off. I've gata reminding myself not to take it personally, because I know it's not, he adores me and misses me - and I know that - it's just everything going on right now, so I'm just trying to be there for him. A nice vent session to a girlfriend and some new nail polish cheered me up (besides, I'm PMS'ing really bad right now which doesn't help the situation much) and later that night when he called I just tried to be patient. Everyone needs a little grace every now and then, even me :). At first it seemed as though it was going to be another short and snappy conversation but I waited, prayed through it for a minute and hung in there, eventually we were able to get past that and it turned out really good!
Truthfully, it's not all his fault. I am picking "fights" (like I said, we never really fight, we're just not that couple that yells at each other... but we're honest when we're becoming frustrated) and for no other reason than just because I miss him. I just want him here with me... that's all. A really ridiculous reason to pick a fight, but I'm a girl, I don't claim to make sense all the time.
*sigh* One more day closer to my wonderful, amazing, smokin' hot boyfriend ;). For future reference honey, THANK YOU for putting up with me, that's how I know you're worth keepin' around ;).
Saturday, August 9, 2008
My guilty pleasures and Indulgences...oohhh there are many, but if something makes you smile, it makes you smile :).
1. Cosmo magazine. Trash, I know.... hardly anything in that magazine that expands the mind... but I LOVE it! I really should subscribe because I buy one every month anyway... I save them too.
2. Overpriced caffeine. Red bull and Starbucks coffee. I will admit, when I add up the money I spend on a can of red bull... it makes me cringe but, I love them. And Starbucks.... honestly, I enjoy my Folgers coffee in the morning but there is just something about a triple grande, six pump caramel, no foam, no whip, extra hot, latte that makes my day. And don't EVEN get me started when the holidays roll around and Starbucks has their Gingerbread latte... HEAVEN.
3. Shopping. OHHHHH The mall. (Lindsay have you been to La Cantera yet!?!?) Specifically, Dresses, handbags, and shoes. I love dresses. Love them. I love the way they make you feel pretty just by having a cute one on. I feel feminine and sweet and just... I LOVE DRESSES. Handbags, if I could have a different purse, or clutch for every outfit I owned, I wouldn't complain one bit. Big ones, small ones, vintage bags, leather, jeweled, different patterns, bright ones, dark ones, casual, evening out, I LOVE purses. And lastly, shoes. Admittedly, I don't spend as much money on shoes as I'd like to... but I love love heels, wedges, and flip flops/sandals. I'm not a big fan of flats (other than the flip flops) but I could spend hours looking at and trying on shoes. DSW is a must stop when I go shopping in San Antonio.
4. Olay Cream Ribbons bodywash. Again, I think it's overpriced.... but it smells so dang good and makes my skin super soft!
5. Bedding, specifically sheets. If I could buy entire new bedding sets I would but since I can't, I often opt to buy new sheets. I don't know what it is but I am sort of addicted to comfy, soft, fall-into-me sheets. Especially when they're fresh and crisp (which is probably why I iron them when I first put them on the bed if they're wrinkled.)
6. T-shirts. If I'm not wearing a dress... I'd say 8 times out of 10, I'm wearing a T-shirt. I love buying them from places I visit, or give away t-shirts (a fav.). I think this sprung from college, people gave out free t-shirts for everything or you could pay maybe 5 dollars for one. Now I can't get enough. I especially love when you wash them a bunch of times and they get that soft worn in feeling :) mmmm. My favorite T-shirt is from the 5th grade. It's incredibly soft, really cheesy (it says "TUES. Tigers Rule!" and it still fits! (shockingly enough... which makes me wonder exactly how big I was in 5th grade)
7. Traveling. Anywhere. Road trip, plane tickets, just show me something I've never seen before! Visiting new places turns me into a googly eyed tourist :) Snapping pictures and smiling away the entire time. I can't wait to visit a few places outside the country!
8. Bath and body works body butter. I'm a huge fan of Mango Mandarin right now :).
9. Theknot.com (I'm with Lindsay on this... it's for a friend) - My cousin is getting married and so yeah, it's fun to look around on there, for her of course. Deny deny deny.
10. Military related books. I devour them. I will go into Hastings (the only book store in town) and read read read. Sometimes I even buy them! ;). Currently reading "Generation Kill" by Evan Wright and I'm loving it. Other favorites of mine include - The Long Road Home, Rule Number Two, The Last True Story I'll Ever Tell, My War, Blood Makes The Grass Grow Green, On Call In Hell, House to House.... etc. (As you can see, I enjoy books that are based on current conflicts the most... and human interest stories)
So.. there ya go! I'm in a great mood just thinking and talking about them! :)
I'm excited... really, honestly, I am. I've just been cranky lately. Take last night for example. If I never have another argument over IM it will be TOO SOON. Completely my fault, I kept getting frustrated because he wasn't talking to me. *rolls eyes* - selfish much? It's not so much that he was ignoring me, he was watching the Olympics, walking around his hotel room trying to stay awake, and surfing the net. He was THERE.... and he was there for ME, but for some reason, in my cranky, sick, and needy state last night, that just wasn't good enough. I realized I was getting frustrated with him and I didn't want to be but I couldn't help it so I told him I was signing off. He was frustrated now because I was frustrated (i.e. acting like a brat) but we tried to say goodnight on good terms. I apologized profusely for how I was acting, but I just couldn't shake it. Granted I was really sick yesterday too, which added to the crankyness but, still. He said he wouldn't hold it against me, told me he missed me and we said our goodnights... but I think at that point he just wanted off the computer too. I was at the office when all of this happened so I immediately went home, cried in the car, listened to some sappy songs on my ipod and went to sleep.
I just feel "needy" lately and I hate it. Maybe it's because he's coming home? I don't know... but I DO know he has been insanely busy and Sgt. tends to zone out and keep to himself when he's exhausted with work stuff. Usually I'm really good about just giving him his time - but for some reason lately I haven't been as understanding as I want to be or usually am. Thankfully.... he's patient with me. Which is funny because he's not the most patient person in the world :) but even if I am frustrating him, he sort of takes a step back and kisses me on the forehead (so to speak) - as if to say "You're crazy right now, but it's ok, cause I adore you... call me when it's over" I have no idea how he puts up with me sometimes... but I am really glad he does.
I miss him.
I'm a little bit worried that I will cling to him too much when he first gets home. I've got to take baby steps and realize that it's an adjustment... we've got to slowly grow into this new phase - I know we will, and we'll be fine... but I hope I don't drive him nuts in the process (or him drive ME nuts... whatever the case may be)
Just a few more days till I get to see him again!!!! We made it babe :)
Thursday, August 7, 2008
FINALLY single digit days.
Sgt. has been so busy and working so hard at clearing on time. I listen to his voice on the other end of the phone telling me about his day, what he was able to get done, the things he was able to check off his list and he inevitably ends it with "I'm one step closer to getting home to you." *swoon*
That's not to say that trying to get all this done while also stepping into a major life change is easy or without it's stresses. In fact, the other day we were talking on IM and because tone of voice is void, while I was thinking he was excited about something (because I was excitedly asking questions), he was really growing frustrated. I actually didn't even know he was "arguing" (for lack of a better word) with me until he called to apologize for being grouchy and short. I sort of felt like an idiot because, had I been focusing more, (I went to reread the archive to see what he meant) and not been in lala land at the thought of him boarding a plane, I would've realized from the beginning that he wasn't in the best mood. The rest of the day I was sort of off because of the whole situation. It's tough because in something like this you just want to be supportive and NOT add stress or frustration... but I'm not there, there is nothing I can do to help him. I know he wants to be home as much, if not more, as I want him home, but it sucks being a little helpless in getting him here. It was absolutely fine later on, we were able to talk (read: he called me out on being off and was patient until I was finally able to sort through whyyyy I was off - I can never say it enough, I am so lucky I have him.) and we were able to actually get a good conversation through it. I think seeing each others side in things like this is important because however much we are "together" in this as a team, and working towards a common goal, each side of the coin is different.
I must admit... I am a little anxious about this next step. Everything is changing, and rather abruptly. One day he's in the Army, the next he's not. One day he's in another country, the next he's not. I have to agree with Loqui here on it ending just as quickly as it started. We have a lot of adjusting to do these next few months. We will still be apart, but we will have the ability to contact each other daily and visit when we're able. He will be getting used to living back in the "civilian" world and I have yet to determine how easy or difficult that might be. (Sort of a wait and see I think). He'll be a college student. I will actually have some insight into things he's dealing with (which will be awesome)! We will be thinking about and discussing another major change with the prospect of me moving to where he is in the future. I imagine this next year is going to be a wild ride :) - but as long as we stick together, as long as we are supporting each other and continue on the road we're on, I think we'll make it. We're tough. I'll say this - I didn't lose him to a deployment, or to Iraq, and I am dang sure not losing him to college (or to anything else for that matter :)).
So, where do we go from here? How do we continue to cultivate our relationship in a new environment? Will this test us and strain us or will this bring us closer than we've ever been (even now... and I'd say now we're doing pretty dang good)? *sigh* I think too much. Of all the things that ARE uncertain about the future, there are a few things that I do not question:
- Sgt. is going to do absolutely fine in school and in adjusting. If for no other reason than, he won't allow himself not to, even if it takes time.
- I will inevitably have a little anxiety when the aforementioned success places me at a back burner (if it does).
- We are going to do our best, and work our hardest at enjoying every moment we have in this life together, no matter if we're still apart or not.
- I am going to take every opportunity that I have to let him know I'm supporting him and that I care about him (some things never change huh ;) )
And I suppose, with those things in line, we're not so bad off now, are we :).
Since I haven't updated this to all my (five) readers out there! - I finally spilled the beans to Sgt. about the blog. Ever since I started posting, it's been for me to have an outlet during his deployment. A lot of times, I didn't want to burden him and then others, I wasn't even sure what exactly I was feeling - but I have always hoped to show it to him when he got home. Sort of a way for me to explain and express what the deployment was like for ME, the best way I knew how. Well the other day, I told him about it. At first I just said it sort of nonchalantly "Yeah, I kind of kept a blog about the deployment" and then I told him more about it as he asked questions, he seemed excited to see it (which is what I'd hoped for). He asked for the blog name and I wouldn't give it to him just yet.... I want to be there too, I want to be able to reassure him when he reads something about me being upset or disappointed, and I want to be able to see him smile when he reads me blabbering on about how much I adore him. I think part of the blog has always been his reaction... and now it's sort of coming full circle. So, in about a weeks time (give or take) he will see it all.... I'll let you know how it went :).
Which brings me to a FINAL point... and then I promise I'm done with this post! What to do from here? I really enjoy blogging, even from my little part of the web... but in a few short days I will no longer be an "Army Girlfriend." Granted... I will still be dating a veteran, who is integrating back into civilian world... whilst attending college with the anticipation of a commissioning back into the Army at the end of it all.... but, there is no more deployment, I am no longer the proverbial "one waiting back at home" as my blog description suggests. I am finally, what I really have always been underneath it all, just a girl, in love with a man, who has a special connection to our nations Armed Forces. Surely there will be adventures ahead, and I'm sure I can find something to blog about... but should I? Is that the point? Or is the blog better left how it is, where other ladies, in love with other men, facing other deployments can come and read through my experience? I suppose I have a little more time to figure that one out... although, not long... like I said, a few more signatures and a couple more plane rides...
and thats, it.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Well, I must say, this letter feels long overdue. If I've heard about anyone Sgt. has served with or under, it has been you. I was thinking earlier today about his deployment and about the past year he's been gone. As you know, he's on his way home now, still in Germany with TA-50 strewn around his room, but one step closer. Maybe by the time you receive this letter he will be back home (a girl can hope!). He's coming home. I say that to myself and it still doesn't feel quite real. It is nothing short of a blessing that he's not only coming home early, and for this wonderful opportunity, but that he is coming home safe and unharmed. I've already thanked God for that as I'm sure I will continue to do every time I see him walk into a room, but I haven't been able to thank the next person on my list, which is you.
One of my favorite quotes on leadership includes the line "Fail to honor people, and they fail to honor you." If that's true, then based on the way Sgt. talks about you, you have never been anything short of an amazing mentor, leader, and friend. (I might also take this second to apologize in the event that I cross some "Army" line. Of all the things I am well versed in, Army protocol and rules is not one of them, but I'm learning! Trying anyway.) For those of us back at home, to know that the man leading your soldier is someone they look up to and someone they trust, is a big weight lifted off our shoulders. For me, it meant that even though I couldn't be there to take care of him and look out for him, someone was. There are things I'm sure he didn't want to talk about with me, but knowing there WAS someone he could discuss those things with is comforting.
You encouraged him in so many things CPT. Not only with Green to Gold, but in his faith and with me; As a soldier and as a person. I know more than once you have told him to keep me around. I'm not sure how many times I've heard "next to me, CPT. is probably your biggest fan!" but it's nice to know someone I've never even met is rooting for me, and for us. However, above all else, If I could pick out something I believe you did better than everything else ( and you did fantastic at all that) it is just being who you are. Being a good example. Being a leader and a man of good character and integrity. I believe that by the way Sgt. talks about you, serving under you has given him an indication of the kind of officer he wants to be one day.
Thank you for everything you did and continue to do. I wish your wife was getting to prepare for your return as I am with Sgt. but you will be home soon! In the mean time, keep yourself SAFE and come say hello next time we're all in the same time zone. Thank you for looking out for the man I love. Those two words can never express my gratitude enough. May God Bless you and your family.
That's what we keep repeating to each other. Sgt. is still in Germany but every day he is able to accomplish a little bit more, which in turn means he is a little bit closer.
I am nearly busting out of my skin at the thought of him being home. It's a good thing I have something to try and keep me occupied during the day so I don't drive myself crazy. The next few weeks will be busy, camp will end, my birthday will be here, Sgt. will get home, we will road trip back up to his new home for the next 4 years (and maybe mine....?) and eventually we will say goodbye again... but this time, it won't be for months or years. *happy dance*
Who are we kidding.... we all know I'd be there to help him check it all off again in a heartbeat if I could. Good thing is we have been able to talk on the phone nearly every day! Haven't had that luxury (who would've ever thought I'd consider talking to my boyfriend every day a luxury) in God knows how long... although we both agreed we've got to start rationing phone card minutes. As much as we both adore one another and love being able to talk when we want... recharging two different phone cards a couple of times a day is getting a little pricey.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Am I going to lose all my old posts? How do I even do it? Where can I find some cute blog layouts? HELP!! Any advice?
oh, and I'm also jumping on the signature bandwagon :) they're just too cute to pass up!
Well.... that was easy.