Tennessee or Ten-i-see?

I'm determined to get back on to the blogging horse. The Mrs. was right when she said it's hard when you've been away for a while!

I finally quit the unglamorous second job (Linds, nights are free again! Drinks, dinner?) and feel a huge weight off my shoulders. I was going to wait until a week before the move but after going back and forth about it, I decided the small amount of extra money it would give me was not worth my sanity. Hopefully having nights free again will also allow for more blog time seeing as I'm not working 14 hours a day anymore.

Right now I'm in Tennessee, the place that will soon become home, which is certainly a nice thought :). I was driving through the small town I live in the other day. It's like a lot of small towns, two stop lights, the local lumber yard and hardware store advertises the high school events on it's marquee. We have one restaurant you've ever heard of. Everything else has been passed down through families or built up by those who have finally saved enough money. We serve a lot of Mexican food in my little town. We have a small lake to the left as you're driving out to my house. The lake was just emptied for the first time in 15 years so that everyone could repair and rebuild their property along the lake. Small town gossip reports that Mr. Greedy pants built a ten foot extension onto his land and, oops!, built it onto his neighbors property so the next time they drain the lake (in the next 15 years) he'll have to tear it down. It's the kind of small town where the local gas station still does charge accounts.

These are the things I will surely miss about this place.

I suppose you notice things like that more often when you're preparing to leave. And, while I have no hesitation in the decision I've made, an ending is always a little sad.

Seems to be more than a fair trade though. Two stop lights for him. As the spring is starting to approach it's easy to remember all of the excitement of last year. Preparing for him to come home on leave, hearing about Green to Gold, him finally coming home for good. A year goes by so fast yet so many things change, it's sort of exciting to see! Makes a person wonder what all could change in the year ahead. A year ago on Valentines day (and you can read the post from that day last year as well) Sgt. had just come back in and I was finally able to talk to him after nearly two weeks. Now, here he is, sitting behind me on the couch reading.

Last night we went out to dinner and he surprised me by taking the evening off from work :), a year ago, taking a day off from work was impossible and being together was even more of a stretch.

I remember last February becoming more anticipatory of his leave. We hadn't seen each other in a year... what would be different? (and his leave was still 3 months off!) And now, in just 3 weeks I'll hang clothes in the closet and clutter the bathroom counter with too many beauty products I hardly use.

A year ago I was in the same small town with the same two stop lights, and soon enough I'll be in a new town, on a different adventure, yet with the same person. So like I said, it's a fair trade, the two stop lights, for him.

Happy Valentines day everyone!

So I was just thinking....

(anyone remember that episode of Everybody Loves Raymond? No?)

So I was just thinking...

That I need boxes, but I'm too cheap to pay for them, and I don't need many, just a few. What I really need are those ginormous zip lock bags that you use to store blankets and stuff in! Hmm... Wally world?

That I have a problem. A, I love looking at furniture and day dreaming, problem.

That it's single digits until my last "Visit" to Tennessee.... after that it'll be Home! :)

That Sgt. is one of the most encouraging and calming people in my life. Stress for me sort of becomes a boiling pot... and unattended to will boil over into other areas of my life. But he has an incredible way of letting me know everything will be ok, and that I need not worry so much about the micro details, they will come together. It's nice to be able to count on him for that, and I can only hope that I do the same for him.

(warning: rant) That trying to use a Spanish accent while speaking English to Spanish speakers does not make them understand you better, you just sound like an idiot. Now, I'm a Texan, and while I don't claim to be bilingual, I can get by, and I can EVEN appreciate a little spanglish from time to time. Ex. Yo necessito mas storage bags. and yes, a decent accent when speaking the Spanish language is welcome, just like any other foreign language.... but putting a Spanish accent in your mouth while speaking in complete English is STUPID. STOP. YOU'RE DRIVING ME NUTS.

That I'm going to miss this place... but leaving on a good note and while still in love with it is the ultimate reward and I am so incredibly excited about the future.

That I really hope he can go to the Sapper school this summer! Cause I know how much he'd like to, which makes it important to me.

That I'd like to go see an old high school teacher before I move.

That it's actually probably a good thing I'm not going to the rotc ball with him this year. Even though I really enjoy the events and getting to meet the other people he works with and their significant others (networking anyone?).. trying to coordinate getting back up there and yet again trying to figure out exactly what does "formal" mean, in this case for freshman in college.... Prom dress? Eww. all whilst trying to tie everything up back here in order to move... yeah, it's better this way. We can go together next year. Plus he is going to be one of the people in charge of putting it all together and he'll be working the whole time so it's better this way :).

That motivating myself to run at the butt crack of dawn when it's cold is difficult... but I'm working on it.

That I wish it was Friday already!!

& last but not least... I'm really blessed. Really, really.

Spring?!

Proof that I have potential to trick myself into believing I know anything about gardening, or that I will ever be capable of being the perfect image of wonderful homemaker and Marth-Stewart esq extraordinaire! beautify a home one day!

Look what I made! Or grew? Ok, so I watered it... that's all... but I'm proud of myself! This little beauty has been growing on the filing cabinet next to my desk for a few weeks now and it's the first thing I've ever grown from nothing to something. Sure I can keep things alive (which to be honest was all this involved...) but I checked the roots and tugged to strengthen and added water and... didn't do much else, ok fine, but it still smells good :) Flowers make me happy.

I feel like such a bad blogger lately. "You haven't blogged in a while" says my boyfriend one night while on the phone. If Sgt. is mentioning how long I've been away then I know I must not be keeping up. I know he checks it from time to time but he's hardly got a 1/4 of my insistent and impatient streak... "I know but I just don't have much to say, all I've got is how wonderful I think you are and I'm sure people get tired of reading that." "riiiight."

Plans are still in motion for moving up there! Every day is one day closer and I can't wait! I'll be up there over Valentines weekend and a couple weeks after that I'll be cashing in on a one way trip :). It still makes me all warm and fuzzy when he talks about how excited he is. We've slowly started to let the news out to friends and family. We agreed in the beginning to keep it to ourselves so we could avoid the outside influence. We didn't want our family or close friends to try and sway us one way or the other, even though we know they have the best of intentions, we wanted to do this on our own. We wanted it to be our decision and succeed or fail, to know we did it with a clear mind of what we were doing. So far the reaction has all been supportive and happy.

That's really it. Other than moving and working my life is day to day. Nothing bad, I'm happy! Just not a lot going on. Oh, I did my taxes today! umm... I've been looking into going back to school to get a CNA or LPN (LVN) certification once I get to TN, still thinking on it though. Oh, and I'm jealous.

Wait, what?

That didn't come out right.

Ok, fine, it did. I'm jealous. I thought a lot about if I wanted to blog on this today... honestly I was looking for another way to explain it but it's best to get it out there, I've got a jealous streak. And not the fun, oh my gosh I'm so jealous of those shoes! Kind of way. No. I don't even get jealous over the fun stuff... I'm happy for you, wonderful shoes, but I am happy with my life, what I have, and grateful, but it's come to my attention that I'm somewhat... have a streak... of jealous girlfriend in me.

Not the psycho, "Hi, I'm sure you've heard of me, stop talking to my boyfriend" kind of way.... I SWEAR (honey, seriously, you know I'm not) I'm jealous is in the "I talked to so and so the other day!" "oh yeah? How is she? (refraining, literally forcing myself to not ask, "what did she want? What did you guys talk about?)" It's like the good angel and the bad angel on my shoulder.... because the HONEST truth is I'm glad he's got those friends, they sound like nice girls, heck maybe WE could even be friends one day too, who cares if once upon a time they had a thing for/were in love with my boyfriend. Oh, wait. That would be me.

And I don't care, really, because I am one of the biggest "Yes, you can be friends with an ex" advocate. After time of course, but I see no reason to hate or never talk to someone who you just don't work out with romantically. But I do care. In fact, IIII am friends, strictly friends, hows the family? Hows the new girlfriend? Congrats on the baby! kind of friends with a few of my ex's. Unless it really bothered Sgt. and he felt uneasy about it, I'll continue to be friends with them. Double standard much? That's why it's so frustrating, I don't want to be jealous, I know with my whole heart he loves me, and that he wants me, that he has no interest in seeing what else is out there, and I know he chooses me. That I'm his person, and that he's my person (you know the person you go to with the good and the bad and the everyday) and that the fact that he's able to move on from the past hurt and remain cordial and friendly to these girls is just another testament to his character.

I'm not the jealous, eye dagger, snooty kind of jealous. I'm the... "ok... but I just don't want her to one day call and say 'Listen, I know you have a girlfriend, but I'm in love with you... I miss you" and you to say "sorry, but we can still be friends" because I know girls... and we're persistent. And dang it, I don't want someone else wanting my boyfriend! Especially someone he would have coffee with to say hi. I don't want her fantasising about having his last name and getting a dog together... those are my fantasies... :-/. (Ok, that sounded a little spoiled brat...)

God Bless the man, really, because he's incredibly patient. We had this conversation last night and the whole time he never got upset or annoyed, he was telling me about a conversation with one of these ladies and I could feel that feeling. And then we talked about it. And he just kind of laughed and gave advice and reassured and did everything I needed and wanted and more. No, he's not excusing it, and doesn't think it's ok, but he can understand where it comes from and knows it's not that I don't trust him. Really. Because if he said "I think I'm going to grab lunch with so and so" My first, second, and third thought would not involve him cheating on me or disrespecting our relationship... I'm just, jealous she's having lunch with my boyfriend.

Oh my gosh, I get his point now. He said something last night that made sense, sort-of, but I think I just got it. He said that he knows the jealousy thing isn't about him... and that he believes that I trust him and that he's been there before so he knows what I'm talking about, and he said "it has to do with ownership..." "I do not feel like I own you" "No? ok, probably not in the obvious way or even in a rational, that's how you think you feel way... but sometimes there's a sense of entitlement behind it all" that's not word for word but close enough... and you know what, the fact that I just said "She's having lunch with MY boyfriend" and definitely got the image of me yanking him backwards like little kids do with toys when they don't want to share, makes sense.

And no, I don't want to share. And yes, he's my boyfriend... but deep down there is probably a sense of you're mine, and she can't have you. When really, it's he's mine because he wants to be mine. I have no idea if that makes sense in writing but, he'll be glad to hear I think I finally get his point!

The short of it all is that he respects how I feel about it, and is willing to meet me in the middle on it and make sure that he's not doing things he thinks would appear shady to me and he's being patient and not getting upset or defensive when I admit that I get those feelings. And also, I really have nothing against these women. They've never done anything either that I felt crossed a line or was obviously wrong (except letting this guy go, but I'm willing to give them a medal for it if need be.... their loss is my gain)... I immediately feel bad for getting that jealous feeling, so it's not that I LIKE feeling this way... *sigh* I'm working on it. I'll work on it. Maybe we can have them over for dinner one night... would that be too weird? I'd go to dinner with my ex and his fiance if invited. Maybe he and I can talk about it.

If they step in the other room to talk and close the door though.... it's on.

Like I said, I'll work on it!

short and sweet

This is my five seconds that I will talk about the inauguration and recap my thoughts as I watched the whole thing:

-CNN has too much background noise
-I never knew Randy Zuckerburg, co-creator of facebook, was a woman
-Jenna Bush's husband looks like the all American quarterback
-I wonder if all the first ladies had to coordinate their outfits so no one clashed or was too matchy matchy.
-Sasha and Malia's escort (lady in pink coat) looks cranky and rude, I hope that's not their new nanny.
-Loved Rick Warren's opening prayer.
-Aretha Franklin can wear whatever she wants.
-Yo-Yo Ma makes me smile because he's very smiley while playing Cello.
-I just recited the VP oath with him because it's the same as the military oath... I know too much.
-Wow, that's a ton of people.
-President elect Obama looks calm
-The Chief Justice should have practiced the oath a few more times
-I thought for a second those cannons were someone actually shooting - scary.
-He is definitely a good speaker... I just hope he is also good at taking action
-Ok, the comment about men and women fighting overseas always gets me... still, and he's home.
-The poem was ok.
-Why the white people always gata be wrong, huh?!
-If I was Former President Bush, I'd be relaxing at home tonight with blackout curtains, a strong drink, a home cooked meal, and absolutely no TV on.
-Congratulations Mr. President... don't let us down!

**** Ok, on to my life now ****

So... the move is coming up! About six weeks to go :) Sgt. and I continue to talk about things we need to get done between now and then and it's awesome, :) I love it. Last time it seemed as though our tentative move date was looming and it felt very heavy and stressful, this time, while there is still a lot to get done, it doesn't feel like the time can come soon enough! I can't wait to be there, and he shares the same feeling. I love that we are just enjoying this time and the steps along the way, I love that we are taking it slow, (I know some people wouldn't consider me moving in with him slow but hey, to each their own) and not committing ourselves to a house in a year and a wedding in a year and a half.... we're committing ourselves to what we can, to live together and to enjoy each other in the same city, on a daily basis for 6 months and from there, we'll see where it leads us. If it does lead us to a house in a year and a wedding in a year and Ft. somewhere in three, then it will without us pushing it.

To be honest, for a self admitted planner, sometimes I struggle with not having it all planned out... but then I think about him and how confident I am in us.... he is the plan. How it all happens will be revealed in time and I'm ok with that. I'm ok with our life being an adventure, in fact, I'm kind of freakin thrilled about the thought!

We talked a little bit the other night about how we think in the next few weeks our arguments will increase due to stress levels and just wanting the move to be done with, for me to just be there. It calms me to hear things like this, I love that we are so committed to it and are also being expectant of certain bumps within the process. To me, it says that we're in it together, that we know it's not going to be a cakewalk, but we'll make it through the process together, and if we were wrong and it's not the right timing then it's not and we'll work on that from there.

I'm trying to put a to-do list together of things I need to get done over the next month. The idea is that the last week will be spent packing up and visiting people and not spent running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Maybe I'm a little too optimistic but, I like having a to-do list anyway.

Any tips that helped you make a smooth move? I'm always open to suggestions! P.S. For those of you who'd like to help, say a prayer for me that I'll find a good job!

Did I mention that I can't wait?

I need your help

Does anyone out there know how to center your sidebar titles? They're always pushed to the left but the pictures will be centered and it's annoying the crap out of me. I tried the HTML < center > thing and got nothing.... any other ideas?

Err... I mean center the pictures... am I making ANY sense? Any at all?