Friday, July 17, 2009

about that time

It's interesting to think what my life would be like today with just a few short shifts in fate.

Recently a very close friend of mine, who also happens to be an Army Girlfriend, gave me some bad news. Her soldier applied for the same program Sgt. was accepted into and he was rejected. Granted, it's not like free candy, and Sgt. worked his butt off not only on the packet for the application but his entire Army career which set the file that was eventually granted acceptance. Since my friends soldier was not accepted, he will be deploying very soon for the second time.

Last deployment we were going through it together. Our deployments overlapped so as her soldier was coming home, Sgt. still had a few months left in country, but still... we went through it together.

It's true what they say, about the bond forged between women who have a loved one deployed. I couldn't have imagined a quicker or stronger friendship.

I'm sad that the cards didn't work out for her the same way, it's just another reminder at how blessed I truly am to be in the situation I'm in.

Sgt. would be training up right now. Getting ready for his third deployment. I would be getting ready as well, preparing myself, as much as you can anyway, for our long separation. Would our relationship be as strong as it is now? Would I ever have gotten the privilege to wake up next to him every morning? Would he still be in Germany, and us still only able to see each other once every 6 months or so? There's no telling really.

With three years left in our in-between Army world I'm resolved to enjoy every moment. Will it make it harder down the road? Maybe. How will I feel during our second deployment together when he's been home and close for so long? So much can happen in that amount of time... just look whats happened in a year! The entire course of our lives, our relationship, shifted because a series of very fortunate events. Or maybe, maybe it was always supposed to be this way. I'm typically a big believer in that. The other side to the coin is that this year has gone by so fast... I find myself wondering how fast the next three will be.

I'm so grateful to have what we have together. When I started blogging half way through Sgt.'s deployment over a year ago... I never imagined I'd be here. Now I know anything is possible :) good and bad of course... which is why the here and now is so wonderful.

I don't wish Sgt. was deploying again right now, although from time to time I think he does. No matter where he is or what he's doing, he is a soldier to his core... and I see that. I am not hurt or surprised that he would long for his work and his duty. I do wish though, that I could be there for my friend as I was before. Not just someone who's "been there" but someone who was there at that exact same moment. This may sound weird to say, and I'm sure it won't come out exactly how I feel it but, there is a certain pride that comes with saying "My boyfriend? He's deployed. Yes I miss him, but we take it a day at a time. I'm proud of him. The waiting isn't so bad" of being able to say we did it, we made it. If I had to pick a positive about a deployment, I suppose that's the one I'd choose. It doesn't make me miss him less when he's gone, and it doesn't make any of it any easier, but it does give you a warm fuzzy from time to time.... and everyone can use one of those.

He could be working long hours and getting ready for his third trip to the other side of the world. Instead, he will be home in a few hours from work, and he'll wake me up off the couch or in bed if I can make it, and he'll kiss me goodnight.... and our life will continue on this course it's meant to be on.

I just think it's necessary from time to time to remember how I could just as easily be saying:

He's working long hours and he's getting ready for his third trip to the other side of the world. He'll call in a few hours to say goodnight, and I love you... and our life will continue on this course it's meant to be on.