Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Marriage Advice - Any and All

I'm seeking any and all marriage advice so please, leave comments.

You see... while I am excited and giddy at the thought of being married and marrying Sgt, I am also deep down, secretly terrified.  There. I said it. 


I think Sgt. and I have done a pretty good job in preparation for our marriage.  We've done the book that has 101 questions to ask each other before you get married.  A lot of it was stuff we'd already gone over, like how we would like the finances handled, and then there was other stuff I hadn't ever thought to ask, like what is your family medical history.  We've done an engaged couples retreat through our church that was really great and we feel like we gained a lot of good information from people who'd been at it a while.  The biggest thing we learned there was the people who make it, get to the other side of the hard times, because there is always "the other side."

As a couple we've experienced some major life events already and seem to have weathered them just fine.  A deployment, a cross country move, a major life change from Army to college life... these aren't necessarily normal trials for an engaged couple so I'd venture to say we're not off to a bad start.

However, I am the type of person who needs to know everything.  I know what you're thinking to yourself... "And you're marrying into the Army?!" - Consider it my personal burden... or personal challenge.  When I hear something like "LDAC is next summer" I start asking questions - "Where?" "What do you do?" "What can you take" "What is the purpose" "Can I write letters" "Who else gets to go" - God bless my fiance for dealing with that on a consistent basis... he really does a great job with it and tries to give me as much information as possible, but after firing questions at him I go to the information friend at your fingertips - the Internet.  And I google, and I look up blogs, and I try to find anything else I can on the subject to my hearts content.  (Please tell me I am not alone... does anyone else do this?  Ever?)

So, the new object of my insatiable curiosity?  Marriage.  I ask everyone, parents at my work, parents of my friends, friends who've been married 6 weeks, Grandparents... I even asked a very friendly Publix (grocery store) worker once. So far... here's the jist of it:

Serve each other
Place God in the center of your marriage
Don't go to bed angry
Don't be afraid to go to bed angry
Start your marriage the way you want to end it - if you don't want to always pick up his things, don't start.
Talk.  Even if it's only five minutes in the morning over coffee, take time to talk to each other every day
Go on date nights
Put your marriage first when you have children
Don't have children
Sex changes when you get older
Enjoy your time together before the kids
Hold hands when you argue
Use "I" statements when you argue
Fight fair, no name calling
Don't bicker in public
Don't talk poorly about your spouse to your friends or family

That's all that's coming to mind right now.  So.... ANY marriage advice you have is greatly appreciated!  Really... what is the secret?  What makes it work?  What makes you guys happy?  What do you do when you're not happy?  What about when the kids come? 

Tell me!

Friday, September 24, 2010

The Army Goes Rolling Along

ROTC is a strange world.  It's made even more strange when you've been a part of the active duty Army, in some form or another, first.  It's crazy to think that this time next year we will be finding out if the Army will take us back. It never really occurred to me that not going back to the Army would be a possibility, until yesterday.  A lot of the friends we've made while Sgt. has been in school are in their senior year now.  Senior year is the time when all of the cadets get their assessions placement - meaning, every cadet in the country gets ranked 1 - 3000 (or however many there are that year that intend to commission).  Somewhere in the neighborhood of 700 soon to be commissioned ROTC cadet's were involuntarily sent to the National Guard.  Now, none of those soldiers were in Sgt.'s battalion, but still... that's a lot of people.  The National Guard isn't bad, it's just not what we want, or what I was expecting. 

There is a lot that goes in to where you place after your Junior year, including scores from LDAC (Leadership Development Assesment Course), your GPA, how involved you are, etc.. and I am confident that Sgt. is doing well and working hard at the things he needs to get done so it's not a HUGE concern, it's just one of those things that kind of opened my eyes.

I can't believe that this time next year we'll know what his job will likely be for what will hopefully be a long and successful career. WOW

I also can't believe that this time next month I'm going to be MARRIED!!  :) Double wow!

Thursday, September 23, 2010

I miss my blog

I really do!  I just feel like I've been away from it so long I don't know where to start so this is my third attempt at blogging again after my very long absence.  No promises but hey, it's worth a shot!

I am getting married in 23 days!!  WOW.  I seriously can not believe it.  I keep telling Sgt. that getting married only makes me feel really young, not old.  Kind of like "Wow... I'm in my twenties and I'm going to be a married woman... I'm going to be a wife...."  and I mean that in the best way possible.  I'm so so excited and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him!  It's just such a major life change, I'm trying to take it one step at a time and take it all in.

Wedding planning has definitely been an adventure.  Planning a wedding is hard enough, planning an out of state wedding is grueling, especially for a control-freak-perfectionist-who-won't-let anyone-else-help.  In truth, I have let one person help - My MOH has been OUT OF THIS WORLD amazing!  She's really the only person who's opinion I trusted  enough to make major decisions (because our opinions are so similar) and I've been lucky enough to be able to make a few trips down to Texas to iron out details.  My vendors have been great over the phone and e-mail (for the most part *cough*) and we've been really blessed to have a lot of connections for things involved with the wedding like invitations, the venue, etc..

However, (and of course, there is always the "but") there are still a MILLION things to do in the next 23 days.  I mean, if I'm being completely honest people, I just got a cake yesterday.   Between working 50 + hours a week and trying to plan this wedding I just don't have enough hours in the day (age old complaint huh?) and I worry about everything getting done. 

The list as it stands now:
  •  Pick cake flavors
  • send playlist to DJ
  • Buy wedding shoes
  • Get Sgt. wedding gift
  • Make pew decorations (25)
  • Purchase favors (it's food so we're trying to hold off until the last minute so it's fresh)
  • Make flower girl tutu
  • Get wedding jewelry
  • Reserve wedding night hotel
  • Purchase Jr. Bridesmaid gifts
  • Purchase Groomsman gifts
  • Purchase parent gifts
  • finalize rehearsal dinner menu
  • Plan morning after brunch (family thing)
  • Make a list of alcohol and mixers needed (we have to stock our own bar)
  • Get marriage license
  • Iron all linens
  • Buy candles for ceremony and reception
  • Write vows - (I know... I know.)
  • Pick Ceremony Readings
  • Pick Ceremony Readers
  • Haircut and Color
  • Create ceremony programs
  • Make wishing tree for guest table
  • Layout wedding day schedule
That's the short version, there are lots more little things but you get the idea.  Everyone says that it all comes together so that's what I'm banking on.  Oh, and if you have an suggestions for cake flavors or fillings... send them my way!