Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Marriage Advice - Any and All

I'm seeking any and all marriage advice so please, leave comments.

You see... while I am excited and giddy at the thought of being married and marrying Sgt, I am also deep down, secretly terrified.  There. I said it. 


I think Sgt. and I have done a pretty good job in preparation for our marriage.  We've done the book that has 101 questions to ask each other before you get married.  A lot of it was stuff we'd already gone over, like how we would like the finances handled, and then there was other stuff I hadn't ever thought to ask, like what is your family medical history.  We've done an engaged couples retreat through our church that was really great and we feel like we gained a lot of good information from people who'd been at it a while.  The biggest thing we learned there was the people who make it, get to the other side of the hard times, because there is always "the other side."

As a couple we've experienced some major life events already and seem to have weathered them just fine.  A deployment, a cross country move, a major life change from Army to college life... these aren't necessarily normal trials for an engaged couple so I'd venture to say we're not off to a bad start.

However, I am the type of person who needs to know everything.  I know what you're thinking to yourself... "And you're marrying into the Army?!" - Consider it my personal burden... or personal challenge.  When I hear something like "LDAC is next summer" I start asking questions - "Where?" "What do you do?" "What can you take" "What is the purpose" "Can I write letters" "Who else gets to go" - God bless my fiance for dealing with that on a consistent basis... he really does a great job with it and tries to give me as much information as possible, but after firing questions at him I go to the information friend at your fingertips - the Internet.  And I google, and I look up blogs, and I try to find anything else I can on the subject to my hearts content.  (Please tell me I am not alone... does anyone else do this?  Ever?)

So, the new object of my insatiable curiosity?  Marriage.  I ask everyone, parents at my work, parents of my friends, friends who've been married 6 weeks, Grandparents... I even asked a very friendly Publix (grocery store) worker once. So far... here's the jist of it:

Serve each other
Place God in the center of your marriage
Don't go to bed angry
Don't be afraid to go to bed angry
Start your marriage the way you want to end it - if you don't want to always pick up his things, don't start.
Talk.  Even if it's only five minutes in the morning over coffee, take time to talk to each other every day
Go on date nights
Put your marriage first when you have children
Don't have children
Sex changes when you get older
Enjoy your time together before the kids
Hold hands when you argue
Use "I" statements when you argue
Fight fair, no name calling
Don't bicker in public
Don't talk poorly about your spouse to your friends or family

That's all that's coming to mind right now.  So.... ANY marriage advice you have is greatly appreciated!  Really... what is the secret?  What makes it work?  What makes you guys happy?  What do you do when you're not happy?  What about when the kids come? 

Tell me!