Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Want to know a secret?

Someone once told me that sometimes people mistake patience and waiting as faith.... when in reality, more often, faith is taking action, doing something, and believing that things will work out, or at least work out the way they're supposed to. I think it can be both, but I particularly like this thought today. :)

See... if we were talking in real life I would tell you that I have some news to share. You might become interested, or excited. I'd act all nonchalant.... talking about goals and that faith quote up there. You would probably begin to get irritated and say something to the affect of "Spit it out already woman!" I'd sort of smile... enjoying the anticipation of telling you my good news...

That's all very likely, but the truth is I'm sort of nervous to tell you my news. I mean... what if I spit it out and jinx it... ok, so I don't really believe in that, but should I? Or what if I say it and get excited and then something happens and plans fall through? The time frame isn't long but as most of us know, a lot can happen in a day... imagine weeks, months? Maybe I worry too much? I'm quite the over-thinker.

Oh, but my excitement and joy and "Why not? Let's just go for it!" attitude is way surpassing my nerves. The thing about it, is that I can make excuses all day as to why a different time might be better, I should save more money, or I should do this or that first.... I can think about the "What-if's" as much as I'd like... "what if something goes wrong?" "what if I'm not ready for this responsibility" but maybe... maybe for once those aren't the what if's on my mind... maybe the what if's are - what if this is exactly what is supposed to happen, and the pieces just seem to be falling into place? What if you are finally getting the opportunity you've both wanted? Because, I'm EXCITED.... and sometimes, it's ok to just go for it, just do something, be mindful, but don't be scared. Want to know what I think? Lots of people, probably even me, could think of reasons not to - but I only need the one reason why it's a good idea. And I'm blessed to have more than one reason.

It's a good idea because I want it, because I love him, because he loves me, because he asked. It's a good idea because we will finally get the opportunity to try on our life in the same city. It's a good idea because life feels off balance when we're apart, and because when I lay in bed at night the empty spot next to me reminds me of a time when there was no choice about the empty spot... a time that a lot of you are going through now, and now there IS a choice about the empty spot. The empty spot could be replaced by him, my best friend. It's a good idea because it's progress and even if we learn it was a bad idea in hindsight... we learn, we grow, we'll know a little bit more then, than we know now.

It's a good idea because someone once asked me "So, KJ where do you want to be?" and I looked over at a man who was in mid conversation, who turned around, smiled at me, and squeezed my hand three times. And when I turned back around to look at the person who had asked me this question, the answer came easily "Wherever he is."



Sgt. asked me to move in with him :) - I told him to take a week to make sure that's what he really wants - but he seems very sure, very excited, and it would appear that a plan.... is already in motion. :)

11 comments:

Sara

congratulations! I'm crossing my fingers and sayig my prayers that things work out this time around. I've been hoping that after some time home and settling that he'd realize you are a big necessary part of his life.

loquita

Woot!

Rebecca

Congratulations! Sounds like a great step to take. I hate that my boyfriend and I live in separate states.

Now yall have the opportunity to be together!

jlc

Yayayay! Now. Are we lookin' at rings?? :)

Becca

YAY YAY YAY!!!

J.L.S.

YAAAYY!!!!!!!! I second jlc's comment! But, for real, I am so happy for you! I'll pray that things go exactly the way you saw them going the last time around! Surely he knows better this time! :)

indiana.girl

That is incredibly exciting news! I know there can be conflicting opinions on living together and all, but I think most of us did and it all worked out fine.

orlane

Congratulations.
Im so happy for you both. Hope it all works out. Though i have to say you sure know how to build the suspense. :)

Eric S.

Awesome....took you long enough to spit it out, LOL. My best wishes to you, and I hope things continue to "progress". You obviously are in love with the man, and I can only assume he feels the same. Sounds like a spot in theoretical heaven for you.

Congratulations.

Erin

Haha, as soon as I read your blog title I was like "I sure do want to know a secret!"
Congratulations, that is SOOO EXCITING!!!

Lindsay

YAY! Oh congratulations!

I'm so happy for you, so incredibly happy!