Want to know a secret?

Someone once told me that sometimes people mistake patience and waiting as faith.... when in reality, more often, faith is taking action, doing something, and believing that things will work out, or at least work out the way they're supposed to. I think it can be both, but I particularly like this thought today. :)

See... if we were talking in real life I would tell you that I have some news to share. You might become interested, or excited. I'd act all nonchalant.... talking about goals and that faith quote up there. You would probably begin to get irritated and say something to the affect of "Spit it out already woman!" I'd sort of smile... enjoying the anticipation of telling you my good news...

That's all very likely, but the truth is I'm sort of nervous to tell you my news. I mean... what if I spit it out and jinx it... ok, so I don't really believe in that, but should I? Or what if I say it and get excited and then something happens and plans fall through? The time frame isn't long but as most of us know, a lot can happen in a day... imagine weeks, months? Maybe I worry too much? I'm quite the over-thinker.

Oh, but my excitement and joy and "Why not? Let's just go for it!" attitude is way surpassing my nerves. The thing about it, is that I can make excuses all day as to why a different time might be better, I should save more money, or I should do this or that first.... I can think about the "What-if's" as much as I'd like... "what if something goes wrong?" "what if I'm not ready for this responsibility" but maybe... maybe for once those aren't the what if's on my mind... maybe the what if's are - what if this is exactly what is supposed to happen, and the pieces just seem to be falling into place? What if you are finally getting the opportunity you've both wanted? Because, I'm EXCITED.... and sometimes, it's ok to just go for it, just do something, be mindful, but don't be scared. Want to know what I think? Lots of people, probably even me, could think of reasons not to - but I only need the one reason why it's a good idea. And I'm blessed to have more than one reason.

It's a good idea because I want it, because I love him, because he loves me, because he asked. It's a good idea because we will finally get the opportunity to try on our life in the same city. It's a good idea because life feels off balance when we're apart, and because when I lay in bed at night the empty spot next to me reminds me of a time when there was no choice about the empty spot... a time that a lot of you are going through now, and now there IS a choice about the empty spot. The empty spot could be replaced by him, my best friend. It's a good idea because it's progress and even if we learn it was a bad idea in hindsight... we learn, we grow, we'll know a little bit more then, than we know now.

It's a good idea because someone once asked me "So, KJ where do you want to be?" and I looked over at a man who was in mid conversation, who turned around, smiled at me, and squeezed my hand three times. And when I turned back around to look at the person who had asked me this question, the answer came easily "Wherever he is."



Sgt. asked me to move in with him :) - I told him to take a week to make sure that's what he really wants - but he seems very sure, very excited, and it would appear that a plan.... is already in motion. :)