Wednesday, May 28, 2008

One moment more

Have you heard that song by Mindy Smith? If not... go listen to it. Warning though: will likely cause tears. Eh, maybe I'm just sensitive to that sort of thing. I know some of you are busy so I'll just type ya out a little snippet of the lyrics,

Hold me, even though I know you're leaving
and show me, all the reasons you would stay.
Give me, just one part of you to cling to
and maybe, maybe I'll believe.
Oh, please don't go, let me have you just one moment more
oh, all I need, all I want is just one moment more.

"ooouuuuuccchhhhhh!!!!!!" - thats what my heart said when I watched him walk on the ramp to board his plane, when I watched him turn around one last time and blow me a kiss, when I sat in the terminal boarding area crying and waiting for his plane to take off. I don't know why this time was so hard. Of course, it's never going to be easy but I guess I just figured I would've done a LITTLE better. After he boarded the plane I sat there. I didn't intend on sitting there, he was already gone but each time I sat forward in the seat to attempt to get up, I just couldn't. I felt like I was leaving him at the airport and just walking away. I had to wait until his plane flew away before I got the strength to get up and walk out. The drive home was hazy at best and as soon as I got home I went to sleep.

Sgt. and I had been up since 7:00am the morning before (Saturday) and it was 12 noon now (on Sunday). That Saturday morning we woke up just like any other weekend morning. We laid in bed for a while and then he got up and made us coffee. I started picking up and sorting his stuff that we had to take out to his families house later on. We went together and did his laundry one last time. After laundry we got everything loaded in the car and stopped at the grocery store to pick up some food for breakfast. When we got out to his families house he and I made brunch for everyone. Sgt. cut up the fruit and created a nice little display of it. I will say this about the man, he definitely has a flair for presentation. :) We also made cinnamon rolls and biscuits, bacon and sausage. I swear I gained about 10 lbs while he was home on leave. He just kept wanting to EAT. EV-ER-Y-THING. After brunch we played cards for a little while and then he went and took a nap. After he woke up we all went out to the pasture and shot guns. Hey, we're from the country, what can I say? He was laughing at me because my favorite gun to shoot is the 357 revolver, except while I'm standing there loading it I'm dancing (in place) to whatever was playing on the radio. I believe his comment was something along the lines of "How can you be so girlie and such a tom boy at the same exact time?" After shooting for a little bit I decided I was ready for a short nap so he and I walked inside and I laid on the couch. He sat with me for a minute and then promised to come wake me up after a while. Later that evening we had his favorite dinner with his family and some of their close friends. We laughed and joked and the evening started to turn into night. He swapped pictures with everyone and packed. Then repacked. Said his goodbye's. His cousin made a joke saying "Well Sgt. I've got your car, your camera, AND your girl...and they're all stayin' here with ME" :) We eventually left his cousins at about 3 in the morning. As we were pulling out of the driveway he looked over at me and said

"I don't want this to sound morbid or whatever but if something happens to me, I want you to know that today was the best day of my life, I had everything I ever wanted for one whole day and I couldn't be happier, so please, just remember that"

"I'll remember babe, I promise"

I could feel time slipping away from us and I hated it. We made the long drive into the city he was departing out of. Neither of us had the foresight to book a hotel room in advance so when we got there, it being Memorial Day weekend and all, every hotel we stopped at was booked. We had hoped to have at least a few hours together so we could relax before he had to leave, and so he could take a shower and get ready but the time for his departing flight got closer and closer. I'll spare you the rest of the details but we FINALLY found a hotel with one available room (*cough* I'm supposed to be shipping back to Iraq in less than 2 hours, are you sure you don't have anything available *cough*) and made it up there in time to call the airline and get his flight pushed back a few more hours. Such a blessing. We didn't have to rush to say our goodbyes or get to the airport, we actually got to enjoy our last moments together.

Eventually however, the airport drop off did come. And I did put him on a plane to Dallas who then put him on a plane to Atlanta which took him to Kuwait and eventually to his FOB. He called this morning to tell me he had arrived there safely. His unit moved to a new AO while he was gone so it's a lot of changes happening constantly.

I miss him. I think the hardest part is getting back home and seeing his stuff still there but knowing he's not there. His soap is still in my shower. The pillow he slept on still smells like his cologne. I have a stack of his "civilian" clothes sitting in my chair that he folded... I just don't want to move any of it yet. I'm doing fine now. It's been a few days and things at work have been really busy so that's been a blessing. I've gotten to talk to him a couple of times either through e-mail or phone since he left so that's helped also. Like I said, I still miss him like crazy, but it's just what we do, and I'm just getting back into my routine. The silver lining in all this is that he will definitely be home sooner than he was the last stint we had to endure. Whether he gets the Green to Gold or not, it'll still be a shorter wait than before so that's awesome.

Still no word on Green to Gold by the way, still praying so hard for it. We should hear something in the next month.

Life is returning to the way it was... not normal I don't guess... just how it was :). Camp will be starting very soon and so that is keeping me on lots of caffeine, it's an exciting time though and it will make the summer fly by.

R&R was the most amazing time and I will cherish every single moment of it always. I have never felt more sure or confident in "us" than I do at this very moment and that's an amazing feeling to have. The pain in his leaving doesn't take away from the fact that I loved having him home, even if it was only for 18 days, I'm grateful for just that.



I am SO incredibly happy that you guys had such a great time together. I love how you can be positive even though the pain of him leaving is still so strong. I also love the way you write, it's very beautiful. Even though I've never been through the same experience, I know the feelings of time slipping away and the hard goodbyes.

What you two have endured is incredible, and it's downhill from here. Just stay busy...and re-live all those great memories from the past 18 days. I also find that it helps to find something that can put you in a good mood no matter what (or at least serves as a distraction). For me, it's the TV show "How I Met Your Mother."

My boyfriend is applying to a similar program as Green to Gold except its for the Navy, STA-21. I will be sending my good thoughts your way.

Your boyfriend sounds like such a great guy, each of you are lucky to have found each other :)

If you need anything, I'm here! Keep your head up--time will pass more quickly than you think.

New Girl on Post

Wow...your post made me tear up. You just described exactly how I felt everytime my husband would have to leave, although we weren't doing a deployment, just him going back to the post.

You guys sound like an amazing couple. I really enjoyed reading your blog.


Goodbyes suck dont they? Hang in there you sound like your getting back to your routine.

You guys sound like a great couple and think after going thru this together the rest of life will be a breeze.

Jrzy Army Wife

i cried through this whole thing... I so glad you guys had an amazing time. Don't worry.. he'll be back before you know it.