Unusually unusual

Peanut butter & jelly sandwich and a beer. That's what I had for dinner last night.

The awesome thing about living on your own is that if you get home, and feel like sitting on the living room floor in boy shorts and a t-shirt with a Shiner Bock, a PB&J, and "Black Hawk Down" playing in front of you... so be it. There's no one there to judge you. No one there to walk in and laugh at the absurd condition you look like you're in at the moment. Ladies and Gentlemen this is complete and utter disillusionment. True life - I eat kiddy sandwiches and drink beer in my underwear while my boyfriend is deployed. Maybe I should talk to MTV about picking it up.

Wana know the truth? I would kill for Sgt. to walk in and start busting out laughing at me. Cause after that, he'd probably grab a beer himself, plop down next to me, kiss me on the forehead, and allow me to cuddle up right next to him in that spot right on his shoulder where I seem to fit perfectly. *sigh*. One more month down.

He did finally call by the way.

This weekend I had to work. One of the rare weekends I do but there was a camp fair that we had to go recruit at. It wasn't bad at all actually, I have a good time at the things, they're just long days. My boss hadn't heard from his girlfriend all day and I hadn't heard from Sgt. in a while so we had a good time wallowing together on the way to the event. Sunday I decided to cave and e-mail him. I couldn't hold back anymore, I really missed him, and if there's ever a literal battle of wills as far as stubbornness goes, he would win hands down. So I did it. I didn't point any fingers, I figured it's pointless, whatever the hold up is I doubt it's his fault and making him feel bad will only in turn make him feel like he HAS to call, which is never a good feeling in a relationship. Of course the next morning I have unread mail :).... and it said just as I suspected... really busy, time's been off to call (he can only get a hold of me between about 8am -6pm due to cell phone service at home), "I'm sorry I haven't called, I miss you so much." *smiles* that's all I needed to hear... talked a little bit about our weekends. All in all it was about a paragraph, of which of course, ended with "gata cut this short darlin' have a few more things to get done before I head out." But that's fine. I just needed to hear from him. Those of you who have been in this situation know how it is. Once I got that e-mail it was like a big weight was lifted off my shoulders. Then yesterday he was able to call... so, even better. :) All is right with the world again. It's amazing how little you can survive on after a while. All I need is a short e-mail, a 10 min. phone call and I'm back on track... leave doesn't seem so far away and my "can do" attitude is rejuvenated.

I'm glad January is over. Mostly because that means that the beginning of another month is here, which means CARE PACKAGES!! :). I looooovvvveee shopping for, packing, and sending care packages to him. It's therapeutic. I'd do it every week if I could afford it but since I like gas in my car also, I limit myself to sending one at the beginning of every month. It's even better because it's a holiday month (valentines day everyone) so that means he gets TWO. He tried to tell me yesterday "babe, you don't have to send two" but quickly shut up.... he knows better, it's my system, my process. Holidays get a package all to themselves + the usual monthly package. This month is pretty special because he *gasp* actually requested a couple of things. He never does, he's really appreciative of anything and everything but I'm glad that he's finally giving some input. Here's to the hope that February will go by quickly as well and it'll just be one more month down. (of course MY boyfriend has to be deployed during a leap year... I know he's not the only one but us '08 left behinds got the shaft with the extra calendar day).

Well, I guess that's all the update I have in me right now folks. Sgt. is doing good. Staying busy, tired but upbeat and soldiering on. Any prayers for him and his unit are always greatly appreciated. As for me... I think I'm gana go attempt to record a "Happy Valentines Day" video to add to this care package in a couple days!

THAT soundtrack.

Well for all intense purposes it's another week down. Whoo hoo! I wish I was a little more enthusiastic but I haven't heard from Sgt. in a couple of days (in any form) and haven't gotten a call this week. Don't get me wrong... I'm not wallowing or thinking insecure thoughts. I'm confident enough in "us" to know that it's not "he's mad at me" or "I wonder if he even misses me anymore" - he does. I know that. It's also not the "oh my gosh, maybe he's splattered on Iraqi soil somewhere"... no news is good news. If I've learned anything it's that bad news in the Army, travels pretty fast. It's hard to explain how I feel when I haven't heard from him.

Sometimes lonely is a good way to describe it. I'm typically not a lonely person at all. (Even in my situation of living in the middle of nowhere as a twenty something).... but I've said on more than one occasion that when I get to talk to him it makes him feel closer. The opposite of that, suggests that not hearing from him makes him feel very far away. Reality bites. I hate feeling that disconnection. So it starts with the lonely feeling. Nothing too overwhelming, I hold myself together pretty well, just a nagging feeling. Then after a day or two of that if I still haven't heard much from him I start getting defensive! Yeah, DEFENSIVE. I'm pretty skeptical when it comes to relationships (or men's ability to function in one) and giving my heart away. I've found that when you do that (the giving away the heart thing) you become much more vulnerable. Vulnerable is not something I'm good at. It took Sgt. many long weeks of "I'm going to prove to you I'm not like the rest of them" before I actually began to give weight to his sincerity. I'd like to think I'm past all of that now with him, in most cases I am, he's definitely proved me wrong (to my obvious delight). But I guess like any woman who has been burned in the past we're cautious of it happening again. So after a couple days of lonely I start to think to myself "well if he doesn't want to write, I won't write either. When he has time he will but I'm not going to look like some desperate clingy 'can't handle this deployment' girlfriend." That's where I am today. I hate this stage! Mostly because I go to compose an e-mail and type a few lines then delete it and walk away from the computer. It's repetitive and annoying and an incredible waste of time. In fact, writing this blog is an excellent distraction from my urge to write to him. At least this one is slightly more productive than "Hey honey, hope everything's going well. Work was good today just..... *BACKSPACE*"

Now realistically I know whats probably going on is this: He was out, came back in and was exhausted (who could blame him right!). Second day of being back in he had some work to get done, more resting, and getting ready to roll back out. Tomorrow (or today... I haven't pin pointed the schedule yet) he'll go back "out" where he'll be pretty busy till he gets back in. Lather, rinse, repeat. Now during all this time I'm sure he's probably thought about me, probably looked at some pictures, maybe re read a few letters and maybe even went to smell that pillowcase I sprayed down with my perfume that I sent him for Christmas. How sweet. :) And I'm also sure that the next time I hear from him he'll say something like "I'm so sorry I didn't call, we were so busy. I miss you so much, I can't wait till leave darlin'" and I will smile and respond accordingly and everything will be right with the world :). But the "GIRL" side of me is going crazy having not heard from him and then forcibly resisting to contact him every day. I have a journal that I write in, (more writing i know... but it's an outlet for me!) and in the back of that journal, when he left on this deployment, I decided to write down all the extra-romantic things he said while he was gone. That way during the times he was in "soldier mode" and not able to be romantic or emotional OR if I wasn't able to talk to him, I would have those things to remind me of just how much he cares. I'll probably read that again tonight. Seems like maybe it's a good time for it. I haven't done it yet cause like I said, I'm in my defensive stage :).

Along with all of this "I haven't heard from my soldier" process comes a soundtrack. I don't know what it is about me (and lots of others I've heard of) but i like to listen to music that represents my mood. If I'm angry I don't want to listen to something that's super upbeat and happy and vice versa. Well the strange part about this is even though I already miss him and am lonely and slightly sad... (I'm not edging towards a cliff though, don't worry) I want to listen to sad music. Maybe it's a sort of purging of emotions. Who knows. Anyway, I have a playlist on my ipod for such an occasion. Go ahead, download these songs (legally of course) yourself... you'll see what I mean.

- I wish you'd stay : Brad Paisley
- Freeze frame time : Brandon Rhyder
- Leaving on a jet plane : Chantal Kraviazuk
- Feels like home : Chantal Kraviazuk
- Home : Daughtry
- Home : Michael Buble
- Texas Angel : Honeybrowne
- Wonderful tonight : Michael Buble
- I miss you a little : John Michael Montgomery
- Home to you : John Michael Montgomery
- Letters from home : John Michael Montgomery
- Hard man to love : Kevin Fowler
- Not a day goes by : Lonestar
- I'm already there : Lonestar
- One moment more : Mindy Smith
- Boston : Wade Bowen
- Temporary Angel : Pat Green
- Miss you with me : Randy Rogers
- Stay with me a while : Ryan James
- Come home soon : SHeDaisy
- Let me hold you : Stoney LaRue
- I need you : Tim McGraw & Faith Hill
- Who I am : Wade Bowen

They're also just good "I miss you" songs. Eh. I digress. I'm going to grab some dinner and maybe take a nice hot shower :).... oh and press "play."

Another mile marker

I am so ready for winter to be over and done with. It's cold and wet here... it's been like this the past couple days and tomorrow I think we're looking at highs in the 30's! Burrrrrrrr. It's not that I hate cold weather, I just like it in moderation. This southern girl can only take so much of it! Last night after I got home from doing laundry my apartment was freeeeeeezing. I think I walked around in sweats, a thermal, a pullover sweater and a scarf for about two hours. Sgt. got back in today and said Iraq is cold and raining today as well. It's the kind of weather that makes you both just want to crawl in bed and take a nap... preferably together.

Other than the weather things have been going good! I talked to my friend Re and we're planning a trip to see each other in May!! I'm very excited. I miss her tons, she's been such a source of strength through this deployment. Her being a military girlfriend herself, she does a great job of just understanding. We also just keep each other sane :). It's not all about the "bad days" or the day where missing him so much is challenging.... thats actually a small fraction of the whole "coping with a deployment" process for us. We get to gush about all the sweet things our guys come up with, we talk about care package ideas and make fun of stores like "Sgt. called today, was standing outside the PX on the FOB and all of a sudden I hear 'you can do it put your back into it' blasting on the speakers lol.... sometimes I wonder if he's really deployed' *not!*" :). Our friendship goes beyond just how proud we are of our men as well. It's great to be a sounding board for each other and a support for everything in our lives! Anyway, point is, I'm excited to finally be able to make a trip up to see her this year! It'll also be a nice break in the months that still total the time till Sgt. is (hopefully, unless the Army changes it's mind... which it tends to do) taking leave.

Last Sunday Sgt. and I got to talk via telephone and web cam at the same time!! It's the first time since he left that I've been able to see him on web cam so that was a treat in and of itself, but on top of that getting to talk to him and see him in real time at the SAME time.... just made my week :). Something about those phone calls (especially this one since it involved seeing him) just makes him feel closer.... even if it's only for the duration of the call. Aside from actually getting to see my guy, getting to see him smile at me.... I'll be a little bit "material" right now and say WOW! He is looking goooooooddddd. I really am the luckiest girl in the world. On top of just being an amazing man (and I could go into detail but I'll spare you the mushiness of it all for now) he's so handsome and down right sexy. He looks just like he did when he left but you can tell he's been working out a lot (or carrying an 80 lb ruck for 12 hours a day... whatever). I can't wait to be wrapped up in those arms again!

And speaking of "can't wait" we've crossed over yet ANOTHER mile marker! I don't know if I'm the only girlfriend that does this... I highly doubt it, but I have various "markers" for this deployment (and separation in it's entirety... since there was the whole stationed elsewhere before deployment thing). There's the "we're 1/3 done, we're 1/2 way done, we're 3/4 done!" there's the "we're now closer to the next time we'll see each other than we are to the last time we saw each other" there's the ever so sought after "we're down to double digit days!" and various other little date factors which seem to be small goals if you will to make this time pass quickly. The latest marker we've passed is the "under 200 days!" marker! For those of you unfamiliar with a deployment... under 200 days means a lot to me. It's the last "day" marker until double digit days... for 1. But more than that it's just a mark of how far we've come.... when this all started I believe it was something between 525-550 days... now we're under 200! Progress is progress no matter how you wana look at it :).

In my world back here, things are good, nothing out of the ordinary... just working and living life :). I did my taxes already so I'm glad I got that out of the way. I'm afraid that soon I may have to have my car operated on. "Worked on" seems like much too simple of a term. The poor thing lulls every time you push the gas from a start to a stop... my check engine light is on... and if you let it idle for too long it'll die. Any one have a clue what that sounds like? Someone said something about getting my fuel filter changed.... maybe I'll look into doing that first. When they first mentioned it I kind of starred at them... I thought for a second they were using one of those "check the blinker fluid" jokes. I'm an intelligent woman but when it comes to my car.... I don't know the first clue. I'll have to appear more confident when I walk into whatever mechanic shop though.

I suppose that's all the exciting news to update right now. Sgt is doing good. Every time I talk to him his morale seems high and he constantly tells me how much he really loves his job. As much as he would love to be home.... I know that he's glad that if nothing else, if he has to be away from his family, it's to serve his country. Please keep him and all of the soldiers he works with in your prayers.

I really want a dog.

Really. I'm resisting because my apartment is big enough for me. It can fit a couple more people comfortably for a visit but other than that it's not really the type of place you share. Now, rationally I figure I could get a medium - small sized dog and the dog and I could co-exist in harmony in our tiny dwelling... but realistically I know that I am not a little dog person... so that rules that out. Medium sized dogs are ok, but I know if I go to the pound I will inevitably fall in love with the most adorable puppy known to man who will then grow up to be the most adorable and spoiled ginormous dog ever. That's just how I operate. I can't pick small dogs. I've tried... but I have a few factors working against me. 1. I want a male dog. Which unfortunately for me tends to be the larger sex of the breed. 2. I loooovvveee big dogs, Labradors, bull mastiffs... BIG dogs and it's highly likely that my preference and attachment to these bigger breeds will steer me in the direction of their cage and then I won't be able to say no. Thus me and the ever growing puppy will eventually be cramped into my tiny apartment. So... what to do. I've called the pound and they are overflowing so they really do need some dogs adopted out... their price is VERY reasonable considering it comes with the spay or neutering, all the dogs shots up to date and a bag of dog food. I've looked at the dogs they have and they assure me that the ones I'm looking at are medium sized mutts at best... which would be fine but I also know there is a cage full of black Labrador mixes somewhere in that shelter (I saw it on their website) and I really think I'll want one. On top of EVERYTHING else.... I don't plan on staying in this apartment forever... eventually I will want to move to a bigger space... and then their are the questions of how much will a pet deposit run me. Will I even be able to take the dog along... would it even be fair? (right now I consider it fair since although the apartment is small I live on at least a mile of river front property and hills and fields as far as the eye can see). Geeeeezzeeee... *sigh* i.e.. the reason I have stayed away from the pound. I really want a dog... I just don't think I should get one right now and it's a bummer. Truthfully I also think that I may just want a dog because I want a companion... something there that smiles at you when you come home and you get to love on. I miss when I had that before all this deployment hoopla. No, no... I'll stay away from the pound... but just know it doesn't mean I don't want one REALLY bad.

I had expected to hear from Sgt. yesterday afternoon (my time) since he e-mailed me asking when would be a good time to call. However the day kind of flew by and still no word... I knew he had just gotten back in so I figured he was tired and went to sleep early. No big deal. Last night I went to a local "spaghetti supper." It's a fund raiser for the elementary school I used to teach at and so I decided I'd go and say hello. I miss my kids so much! It was nice seeing the other teachers and principal. The principal once again asked me when I was coming back... gosh how I wish I could! My response to her is always "it's hard to turn down free living arrangements, but I really wish I could." Which is true. I get paid about the same amount here AND I am supplied with an apartment (however small it may be) and utilities. Financially this job makes more sense and I really love it so it's hard to turn down. Anyway, I got back from the spaghetti supper and logged online to check some e-mail. Low and behold my man was on! It was about 4 in the morning his time so I figured maybe he just had to get up really early for a mission. I sent him a quick message for wishes of a great day and he wrote back saying he got up so he could call. :) I love it when they're thoughtful. We were able to talk for over an hour. Huge gigantic grin the whole time. What I love most about our phone conversations is they feel so normal. We talk about stuff that's going on (he tried Iraqi pizza the other day) and stuff we've missed in each others lives... but other than that it's as if he was still back in Garrison and we were making plans for this weekend to see each other. It just makes him feel closer, if only for that hour. I didn't mention the really bad day I had Tuesday..... it really just never came up and we were talking about other things so I didn't really want to bring it up. I know he would just worry about me and it's over and done with so there's no point in him being upset over it as well. I'm glad I didn't. Anyway, overall it was a great conversation and I'm really glad I got to talk to him... it made my day/night.

Not sure what I have planned this weekend. Not a whole lot really. I think tonight I may kick back with my Cosmo, a cup of coffee and watch a movie. Possibly treat myself to a pedicure.... we'll see how it goes. Tomorrow I'm going riding again (yes, I ride horses).... hopefully they'll be a little bit more compliant and easier to catch this time. They were on to me last time and were just being lazy.... didn't want to work so it took about an hour to finally catch and saddle them. Of course the girls were out here last weekend too so that was 3 X the horses. We'll see how it goes. Then laundry.... UGH... I think I might possibly want my own washer and dryer MORE than I want a dog. Probably won't hear from the soldier at all this weekend except through e-mail... but that's more than fine with me. E-mail is better than nothing. I admire the wives and sweethearts of past wars who yearned and waited patiently for infrequent letters. I too yearn for letters ha, but I am blessed to have modern technology available to us both. It makes surviving a deployment much easier than I can imagine it would've been otherwise. In the end though... I guess that's all it boils down to. Surviving it one day at a time :).

FUBAR day...

Hey there. It's been a few days since I last posted cause there hasn't really been a lot to update. Yesterday was just about the worst day I've had since SGT left way back in March. A lot played into it but in short, I got into a screaming match (I NEVER yell... in fact this is the first time I remember losing my temper in over a year), had my character attacked, cried (I'm also not a crier), locked my keys in the car while it was running and ran out of coffee creamer. Funny thing about it all (if there is such a thing, trust me it was NOT funny) is that it seems as though SGT knows exactly when I need him, even from Iraq.

In the midst of all of that other stuff happening, I got a phone call from him AND a package from him came. Sometimes all you need to hear is "Well, I just got back in and can't talk for too long but I missed you and wanted to hear your voice... how are you doing darlin'?" Luckily for him he called early so the majority of my bad day hadn't happened yet. "I'm doing good, how are you doing?" - that is my standard response. Whether or not it's the case is neither here nor there. He can tell if it's not, if I'm not doing good, pretty much immediately after I say it anyway and I don't think "Terrible, hows your life?" is a good response to "I miss you darlin'". We talked for a few minutes, mostly about my morning thus far and what his plans were for the evening (chow, gym, finishing up paperwork before sleep, early rise). He got the package I sent last week so we talked about that as well. I didn't send any snacks in this one per his request... apparently he's got plenty. I did however, send a bag full of gum with a note attached that said "give it to the kids." He got a kick out of that. "Well, you sent coffee and that's my favorite thing so I suppose I can share the gum." - he would've anyway even if I hadn't requested it... he's a sucker for the kids. Otherwise he's doing good, seemed to have high spirits which is always reassuring. He let me know I wouldn't hear from him until later in the week.... which usually means he'll be "out" or away from his computer at least. Oh, and about the package I got. It's a belated... very belated, Christmas gift. Do I care? Not at all, it arrived before Valentines day and that was the deal :) haha. It's one of those digital photo frames, very cool. I can't wait to put pictures on it later tonight after work!!

I miss him. Usually I'm pretty good about all this and truth be told time really does seem to be flying by! We talked about it last week when he called... since we only get to talk a couple times a week (on the phone), every other time we talk it's like "ok, I'll talk to you next week sometime." and time really has flown by... but there are just those days. Take yesterday for example... all I wanted was to go crawl in bed and sleep the day off. I just wanted him here, just to sit in bed and BE THERE with me... he wouldn't even have to say anything, just sit there... it's times like that when listening to "Feels like home" by Chantal Kreviazuk or "I miss you a little" by John Michael Montgomery is almost a form of self mutilation. I'm sure any 4th year pre-thesis social psychology major would have a field day with me on days like that.

Part of the reason yesterday was so bad was because the person I got into this screaming match with began chipping at my relationship. Now, I'm a reasonable girl. I don't expect a lot of people to understand how or why I am involved with this man. I don't expect someone who sees two people who live in different countries, one of which is in reasonable danger, to understand that there is no where else I'd rather be than right here waiting for him. I get that they don't get it, and they don't have to. I don't need their understanding to confirm what I already know, that it's worth it. In fact I've had on more than one occasion someone ask me... "why would you wana do that? You're young, you've got a lot going for you, how is this even going to work" and I'm happy to answer the question. Because it's for him. There is only one SGT., no matter how charming someone else is, how close I live to them, how much less worry I'd have to endure in a relationship with someone else... that someone else is not him. He is the only man who makes me feel completely invincible and incredibly vulnerable at the same time. The only man who is strong enough to tell me when I'm being unwaveringly stubborn and get me to actually listen. The only man who's hands I can feel touch my face when I close my eyes and dream about the last time we were standing next to each other. So it doesn't matter if he's thousands of miles away or right by my side.... there's only one of him and I'll wait as long as I need to, endure whatever I have to, to have him. Ok that's cheesy... I know, but it's true.

Anyway, I got of topic... yesterday this particular individual was using his arsenal of questionable knowledge to shove all these unfounded concerns and thoughts into my head. His relentless barrage of insults came in the form of "you know the only reason he's with you is because he's lonely. He's over there with nothing to do and you're the one who sends him letters and packages and blah blah blah... but as soon as he gets back, he's not going to need you anymore. It's not so much that he cares about you than it's that he's lonely" and to "you know he's probably hooking up with some other female soldier... why wouldn't he? He's over there, no one cares, you'll never know, you really think he's going to go THAT LONG without....?" There were more but apparently I've pushed them out. Point being that rationally I know that's all wrong. Simply put, it's just wrong. I know that. But of course the emotional day that it was and me being a girl... even if only every once in a while, it gets to you. You don't want to wander about stuff like that. "what if he is just lonely?" "I would never find out, that's true" - and maybe those are valid concerns... however they're unfounded. He's never given me a reason to believe any of that or think anything other than I am absolutely adored and cherished and the only woman he wants to be with (unless of course you count the girls in the Maxim magazine... but hey...) so why do people like that get to you? I guess because you can't just call him (SGT) up and be like "ha, can you believe what this asshole just said? Can't wait to hug you when you get home in a few hours and wipe any worry from my mind" It's not that easy... but it's not too hard. I know that next time SGT calls, I'll mention it and the first thing out of his mouth will probably be "Darlin', you know that's not true right?" after maybe "Who is he?" - gata love a man who wants to come to your rescue even from Iraq.

Any who, today is much better. Yesterday is gone and done with. Only a few more days and I'll be under 200 days to go till I get to see him smiling at me! Can't wait.

New Sheets

Yesterday was a good day. Work was kind of slow, but I was able to talk to Sgt. so that usually means it's a good day :). Thursdays are the end of the week for us. See... he left on a Thursday so every Thursday another week has passed. I guess just another one of those things that helps you pass time.

This weekend should be awesome! My two best friends from college Whit and Lauren are coming to spend the weekend with me so that'll be nice. I love living on my own but I miss my girls. Last night I went into town to do laundry and wash my sheets (note to self: in the future, the purchase of a washer and dryer is a good investment)... well on the way to the laundry mat, I decided I didn't want to wash my sheets I just wanted new ones. So thats what I did. I went and got new sheets, then went to the laundry mat, then home. Once I got home I did something completely embarrasing and not even remotely interesting.... I ironed my sheets. I'm not like obsessive about it, I do like my sheets to be unwrinkled when I put them on the bed... wrinkled sheets are fine otherwise but for the first time after being cleaned or otherwise... I just want them to be smooth. So yeah... I ironed sheets. Sgt. got a kick out of this. I think his response was "you ironed your sheets last night? Hahaha, you're such a goober... I miss you." Yeah well... if you come home, I don't care what the sheets look like. Deal? It's amazing the things we'll occupy our time with.

Straightening Irons are dangerous.

Living on your own has it's perks. After a life lived with multiple siblings and a constant room mate through college I was thrilled at the idea of living on my own. I am now a firm believer that every woman, atleast once in her life, should live on her own.

"you can never be lonely if you like the person you're alone with" - unknown

Among the many perks one has while living on their own, a specific one I've enjoyed is getting ready in the morning. I start my coffee, crank up some music and stand in front of a mirror in my underwear taking my time to start my day. (one of the many things Sgt. is dissapointed in not being home for) Well, on this particular morning, as I was getting ready, my mind must've been wandering. I straighten my hair near daily... and I have never once, in years, burnt myself with my straightner. There is a first time for everything. As I go to grab a piece of my hair I somehow, (I'm still not sure how) pinched my neck between the two hot irons of my Chi (straightner). I immediately released it but yelled in pain. It HURT! I then laughed at myself for the sheer absurdity of it all. How does someone not only burn themselves with a straightner but actually catch their neck in the grip of it?! As it does, the pain passed and left me two straight dark lines to remind me to be more careful in the future.

Sgt. called yesterday afternoon my time (night time for him). He was in good spirits and is doing good! He was tired though. Pretty common when he comes back in from being "out." I told him about the straightner incident because I think it's funnier more than anything else but of course his first reaction was "are you ok?" It's funny how they still worry about you when THEY'RE the ones involved in a war. It was a good phone call, hearing from him is always the highlight of my day/week. He let me know he missed me "more than you'd (I'd) believe"... it's always nice to hear that :). Don't get me wrong, I know he misses me. I know he cares about me. This *motions around the room as if it's my long distance military relationship* requires a lot of effort... you wouldn't (and shouldn't) do it unless it's something you're sure you want. So on a rational level I know he misses me. Sometimes though, a girl just wants to/needs to hear it. Luckily he's pretty good about letting me know. It's funny how the smallest things are cause for celebration. a 5 min. phone call, a 1 paragraph e-mail and I'm convinced God really loves me to have placed this guy in my life. This deployment, among many other things, has made me appreciate the things he does for me more than I could've ever thought possible. I'd like to think I never took him for granted, and I know I made it a point (and still do) to thank him for everything he says and does... but, I guess the old saying "you don't know what you have till it's gone" rings true. There's very little I wouldn't give to get to lay in bed with him on a Saturday morning talking about how we really should get up and do something.

"being apart from someone get easier every day because even though it's one day further from the last time you saw them, it's one day closer to the next time you do."

Everything else is going great. My friend Re, and also fellow military girlfriend, is dropping her man off at the airport today. Meeting Re has been a godsend. She's such a big support through all this. We can always relate to the other and usually if one of us is down the other is right there to pick her up. Anyway, her soldier went to visit her these last three days. He just got back from his 15 month deployment so WELCOME HOME Strom! I'm so glad she finally got to see his face and hug him. He leaves today so I'm looking forward to relishing in all the details :). Can't wait till it's my turn!

Catch up!

So, as promised, I said I would make an effort to catch you all up on whats gone on in this deployment so far. I figured the easiest way to do that is to give you some background and then list... so without further delay... here we go!

Background : Sgt. and I have been dating for a little while now. We are not from the same hometown, we met while he was stationed near my college. A wierd interesting fact about us is that although he and I are not from the same hometown, his family (to include aunts and uncles and cousins that he is VERY close to) and I ARE. So now that I'm out of college and living and working back in my hometown I am also near his family which has been a blessing in and of itself. They're great people. Hmm lets see... Sgt. and I are both conservitive, stubborn, and old fashioned. We're also both into cooking and reading. He's the very definition of a "southern man" or rather "southern gentleman" I should say... likes Jesus, BBQ, shooting guns, watching sports and opening doors for me. He LOVES his job as a soldier and if you asked him he'd tell you that he can't believe he actually gets paid for doing this. He's very dedicated to his platoon and humble about all of it. I was an elementary education major in college and now work at a private summer camp near my hometown. I love my job and enjoy every day I get to get up and go to "work" there. I live on my own in a tiny apartment (also known as the cabin) and am seriously considering getting a dog. I'm a very social person but these past few months being back in the small town atmosphere and living alone (really, closest neighbor is about a mile away) has made me appreciate personal reflection more. Most evenings I'm cooking dinner, watching a movie or reading.... which is a big change of pace from the highly populated and busy college city I used to live in. I'm loving every second of it. Ok... and now for the deployment background.

-Sgt. was stationed overseas before he actually deployed, therefore we have been apart longer than just the deployment.
-This is Sgt.'s second deployment although we were not dating during his first one.
- We have crossed a milestone already - we are officially (as of last month) closer to the next time we'll see each other than we are to the last time we saw each other! (R&R)
- He has obviously not taken R&R yet... per my last comment.
- He is deployed to a large city in Iraq... where most amenities can be found
- He lives in a CHU (trailer of sorts) which has internet access
- He has also acquired a cell phone (which still baffles me) and a "through the computer" phone so we have been able to talk fairly regularly these last couple months. (Thank the lord)
- Sgt. was interviewed and plastered all over AFN and a couple other websites I check for news on him and his guys. (I just like bragging about it)
- I have put up my own christmas lights, changed the lightbulbs, AND crawled underneath my car to bang on something all on my own since he's been gone (more adventures in living alone to come)
- I write actual letters a couple times a week, e-mail nearly daily (sometimes every other day) and send a care package atleast once a month (sometimes twice). He has written one actual letter :) haha, e-mails just as frequently and as I mentioned before calls every few days or when he can.
- I have had hmm... 3 major breakdowns (you know, those nights where you just cry and cry...) 1 really bad feeling and 1 (which lasted a couple days till I got to talk to him again) "are you sure he really cares?" thought since he's been deployed. I'm not much of a crier but there are the occasional sad songs or just plain ole bad days.
- I don't think being deployed is an excuse for being a crappy boyfriend and he knows this (he's FAR from it... but don't tell him I said that he might get a big head)
- I understand that sometimes he's just got stuff going on over there... stuff that has nothing to do with me, and stuff that he's just got to be focused on. During those times, sometimes he's not the sweet, reassuring and romantic boyfriend he usually is so I keep a journal of the very sweet and caring things he says to me (for the most part when I remember to write them down) so that I can remind myself "hey, he misses you too"
- I am an information addict. Which makes dating Sgt. hard because he can't always (usually can't) tell me what he's doing or why he's had a bad day.... to sort of tide myself over... I scour the news and internet for information on his unit. So far it's worked to my advantage.
- Missing him is not a question... the amount is undescribeable, the intensity unmatched... I told you I loved quotes so here's a pretty cheesy one for you. "The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected" - Nicholas Sparks
- Sgt. called on Saturday to tell me that he has decided he wants to make the military his career and then asked me how I felt about that. My response was "I'm proud of you darlin'. Congrats!" "thats it?" "yeah... what else did you expect?" "I don't know... " "haha, well honey, I half expected it, I'm not surprised at all and I'm happy for you, I know how much you love your job. This doesn't change anything, I'm not going anywhere." "ok then"

Well I suppose thats up to speed as much as I can think of right now! As I said before we're about a 1/3 of the way through the deployment and going strong :). We've been apart for much longer though... by the time he comes home we'll have spent over a year apart. It's really not so bad though... he's amazing, more than I could ever ask for in a man. I'm very proud of the job he does and the life he lives. I'm also counting down the days till he comes home to me!

Welcome one and all!

Hello there. I'm guessing you probably just stumbled across this blog. If you're taking the time to actually read a bit I appreciate it! Well, if you haven't already figured it out, my name is KJ, and yes as shocking as it may sound (I know it doesn't, don't worry, I use sarcasm a lot) I am an Army girlfriend. I might add that I am not only an Army girlfriend but a very proud one in fact! My boyfriend - Sgt. as you will hear him refered to - is not only my night in shinning armor (actually, his armor is sort of a tan/green/brown color), he is also one of my best friends, my pillar of support and the strongest man I know. I could go on about him forever. He's been deployed since August now... I know it seems as though I'm starting this a bit late... but trust me, we're only 1/3 of the way through this deployment and I can catch y'all up to speed pretty quickly. A lot of people have asked me, how can you do that? My answer is pretty simple, because it's for him. It doesn't matter if dating someone who wasn't in the military (and certainly not deployed) would be easier, it wouldn't be Sgt. and it doesn't matter if he's eight thousand miles away or right by my side... there's still only one of him, so I'll wait as long as I need to. I have a favorite quote (ok I have tons, get used to it if you plan on coming back) that has sort of been a good reminder to me when things get rough and it goes like this:

"Despite what the critics say, distance is not for the fearful, it's for the bold. It's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time apart in exchange for a little time with the person they care about. It's for those who know a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough." - unknown

It's not always easy, but it's always worth it.