Saturday, August 9, 2008

Civilian

That's it. He's out of the Army... for four years, no Army. It's bittersweet actually... I'm excited because it means I get to be with him, and because it allows him to follow his dream. A while back I said to Sgt. "I'm glad the Army is loaning you back to me for four years" and he said "?... what? I'm all YOURS, you've been loaning me to THEM" :) I like that theory. Anyway, like I said, he is officially separated, last night he was waiting at a hotel in Germany for his flight which left early this morning (German time) and he should be arriving back on good 'ole American soil by this evening!!!!! It will still be a little less than a week before I get to see him, he's flying to his new home first to get some things settled, while I finish up camp here (ends this week!) but at least THIS way I'll get to talk to him on the phone :) - (That's right AAFES voice lady! You are officially no longer a part of my life!)

I'm excited... really, honestly, I am. I've just been cranky lately. Take last night for example. If I never have another argument over IM it will be TOO SOON. Completely my fault, I kept getting frustrated because he wasn't talking to me. *rolls eyes* - selfish much? It's not so much that he was ignoring me, he was watching the Olympics, walking around his hotel room trying to stay awake, and surfing the net. He was THERE.... and he was there for ME, but for some reason, in my cranky, sick, and needy state last night, that just wasn't good enough. I realized I was getting frustrated with him and I didn't want to be but I couldn't help it so I told him I was signing off. He was frustrated now because I was frustrated (i.e. acting like a brat) but we tried to say goodnight on good terms. I apologized profusely for how I was acting, but I just couldn't shake it. Granted I was really sick yesterday too, which added to the crankyness but, still. He said he wouldn't hold it against me, told me he missed me and we said our goodnights... but I think at that point he just wanted off the computer too. I was at the office when all of this happened so I immediately went home, cried in the car, listened to some sappy songs on my ipod and went to sleep.

I just feel "needy" lately and I hate it. Maybe it's because he's coming home? I don't know... but I DO know he has been insanely busy and Sgt. tends to zone out and keep to himself when he's exhausted with work stuff. Usually I'm really good about just giving him his time - but for some reason lately I haven't been as understanding as I want to be or usually am. Thankfully.... he's patient with me. Which is funny because he's not the most patient person in the world :) but even if I am frustrating him, he sort of takes a step back and kisses me on the forehead (so to speak) - as if to say "You're crazy right now, but it's ok, cause I adore you... call me when it's over" I have no idea how he puts up with me sometimes... but I am really glad he does.

I miss him.

I'm a little bit worried that I will cling to him too much when he first gets home. I've got to take baby steps and realize that it's an adjustment... we've got to slowly grow into this new phase - I know we will, and we'll be fine... but I hope I don't drive him nuts in the process (or him drive ME nuts... whatever the case may be)

Just a few more days till I get to see him again!!!! We made it babe :)

1 comments:

loquita

Are lives are sooooo parallel right now. LT and I are both just trying to be as patient as we can manage, and apologize immediately when we know we have just lost it. I think you and Sgt will adjust just fine, and he won't mind too much if you're a little clingy. They like how crazy we are about them. :)