Monday, September 8, 2008

Tossin' and Turnin'

All. Night. Long.

This long distance part is difficult. It's different. I wouldn't say Iraq was easier, I worry much less now and the added bonus of getting to talk to him multiple times a day helps to ease those days on end of loneliness and frustration but knowing he is only a plane ride away... and still not being there, stinks.

I know, only a few more weeks and I'll get him for a whole month (well, he'll get me for a whole month, I'm going back to TN for October) but... I don't want to wait a few more weeks!!! I know, that sounded slightly like a 3 year old throwing a tantrum but I'm pms'ing as well so maybe.. it WAS a little bit of a tantrum, sue me.

I miss him. I can't sleep. Not just I wake up in the middle of the night, I mean I really can't stay asleep. It takes me about an hour to fall asleep once I lay down and actually commit to it and then I toss and turn all night long. Every 45 min. I'm waking up and looking to see what time the clock says. Granted, between those 45 min. I've been having some wonderful dreams about the two of us, just leading our lives and being together, but I really wish I could sleep through the night.

Maybe it's because we always talk right before we go to bed. I miss him all day long and he is constantly on my mind but it's easier when I'm at work or have things to occupy my time... at night I lay there and I can hear his voice and I just wish I was there.

I really shouldn't be complaining, he's home and he's safe and we are doing great and it's not like we weren't prepared for the continued separation once he got back. It's just, tonight, all that won't make it any easier either.

5 comments:

KJ

It's hard in a different way, it's definitely not easier than deployment, and it's obviously not harder... It's just different.

I think something that makes it harder is the fact that it's deceptively hard. You go into it (every time) thinking that it's got to be easy- it's not a deployment, right? But it's not easy... I always let my guard down- no one is shooting at him, so it's got to be a piece of cake, is what I think. But that's when you get into this false complacency and something sneaks up (like not being able to sleep) and it just sucks.

Luckily, it's easier to not suck so much! Some days it doesn't seem like it, but most of the time just being able to pick up the phone and call makes it easier and better.

I don't know if my commiserating is helpful or useful- but just know that you're not alone. The non-deployment kind of long distance is hard too!

Rebecca

I can definately relate! I hate the long distance. And it doesn't even seem that long-just a plane ride away. That's the hard part; he feels so close and so far away all at the same time.

AFG

I sometimes have problems getting to sleep and staying asleep, especially when DB and I are separated... warm milk and honey helps me relax and fall asleep a little easier, and it's the best method I've tried (and I've tried a lot!). Maybe it would help you too.

Jrzy Army Wife

October is sooo close! That's amazing! So glad he's back home and in the same country!

Erin

I know exactly what you mean! After my husbands last deployment he headed to GA while I stayed in NY. It was almost harder because I knew I could just get on a plane...and really wanted to. In some ways it was more torturous knowing he was there and that in theory I could be with him.