Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Please, not now.

So. What is one to do when the month long "vacation" you've been looking forward to since June with the love of your life, starts to slowly slip away piece by piece? You cry... or yell... or cuss a lot. In my case, all three.

NO!! THIS IS NOT HAPPENING TO ME RIGHT NOW! I'M SUPPOSED TO BE LEAVING IN 5 DAYS!!!

1000 mile trip, makes sense to take the car in to get it looked at prior... ya know, just to be on the safe side, get a tune up, etc.

24 hours and a $550.00 estimate on repairs later makes for a very unhappy girl.

In fairness, I took the car to a mechanic shop whom the owner is a close family friend of Sgt. I trust them, and I trust them not to screw us. I also believe them when they say "Your rear break cylinders are leaking, and no, it's not safe to drive" - although... it was breaking fine before, but no one else seems to go along with that line of thinking, least of all Sgt. So what if my break lights been on... I just keep filling it up with break fluid, problem solved! Ok, ok... maybe I didn't take the BEST care of it... but I did what I could.

Sgt. called me this after noon to give me the bad news. I cried silently and he said things like "So we need to reevaluate the plans and make sure what we're doing is best for you and for us" - trying to reassure me with other statements like "I could drive down during my fall break" "you could fly up for a four day weekend" - No, my dear, I can't. A round trip ticket right now would cost near $500.00. If that's the case, why don't I just fix the car. And... as selfish as this sounds, a four day visit here, with your family, although incredibly welcomed, is NOT the same. No, I would never ever ever turn down the opportunity to see him, but that's not what I'm so sad about. I know I'll get to see him if I'm not able to drive up for the month... but it's not the same. The whole point is for us to FINALLY be able to spend a significant amount of time together, doing normal everyday things with one another. It is so incredibly heartbreaking, I can't even explain it.

I know, I know, I'm complaining about only getting to see him for four days, how selfish and arrogant of me. Not long ago I would have been thrilled with just that. In fact many nights, I begged God for JUST THAT. But this was supposed to be a growing time for us. A chance to get to know the city, to talk about moving, to... DO... and now I'm just waiting again and it hurts.

We haven't made the official decision yet as to what to do. We're trying to consider all the options. But the fact that not going even IS an option, just hurts. My head hurts, my stomach hurts... but most of all, my heart.

I know he's disappointed also, but I seem to be taking it worse, which I guess is normal.

GAHHH!!!! ......... is it really that unsafe to drive with leaky breaks? :(

3 comments:

KJ

Oh my gosh- I'm feeling sick just thinking about it. What about the train, can you take the train? Amtrak is usually cheaper than planes? I really hope something works out for you guys.

Lindsay

That sucks. It just plain sucks.

Although, i was able to find a plane ticket for this Friday from San Antonio to Kansas City for $220, the Tuesday before the weekend there are usually some flights that open up. Maybe not all hope is lost. Try airports that are nearby and maybe Sgt. could go pick you up.

Just trying to help come up with solutions. I'm keeping hope alive for you. I really am!

loquita

You know that I *completely* understand this: "The whole point is for us to FINALLY be able to spend a significant amount of time together, doing normal everyday things with one another."

The long distance is so damn hard... And to have your hopes of some normal togetherness be threatened just makes you feel like you can't stand it anymore.

*big hugs* I know you and Sgt will be OK even if your trip has to be canceled. But I also totally sympathize with how you're feeling, even the "I seem to be taking it worse." If Sgt is anything like LT, then approaches all situations in a military way - no use getting upset about things that can't be changed. I'm still trying to convince him that it's OK to be completely upset about something you can't change, just because it sucks!

*hugs*