Thursday, July 3, 2008

Future tense

His coming home is so close I can feel it. It's that same ache I had right before he came home on leave... just knowing he's almost here but not here.

We've been talking a lot lately in the future tense. "When I get home" "when you come up to visit" "In October we'll..." "I can't wait to..." Conversations over the phone or through IM tend to drift to daydreams we're sharing with each other about places we want to see, things we want to do, time we want to spend - all together. Together. After this past year we are resolved to drink up every last opportunity to explore our lives and world with the other by our side. We think up these fun crazy ideas and talk about them, we'll do them one day, but for the moment just having that piece of the future to hold on to, to work towards, is enough. Hell, I'd be happy just to be in the same room with the man again :).

When Sgt. and I first started dating he was not a future talker. A dreamer to his core and goal oriented to be sure, but his frame of time which he allowed himself to plan for was very short. There were no "one day we'll" talks or "I can't wait to spend the rest of my days telling you how much I adore you" whispers. He was pretty convinced that thinking and talking about the future was a waste... the here and now, that's what mattered. While this is still true, living in the moment and being appreciative of exactly where you are and with what you have at any given time are very important to BOTH of us.... I think now he's ok with day dreaming about the future because (and as cocky and pretentious as this may sound...) he knows he has it with someone. He gets to spend it with me. There is a different trust and confidence in our relationship that has grown and matured over time. It's ok to share those hopes with each other because most of those dreams and hopes involves the other person. They're an irreplaceable role to the story.

We are still discussing what the next year will hold for us. While we enjoy talking about days ahead, we are also realistic in the "but we'll have to wait and see if it works out" - things have a tendency to change. As of now we are planning on me heading up there for at least a month in the fall to spend time with him. For me to get acquainted with the city and to job/apartment search. Thankfully I work with people who are more than understanding and supportive... so I don't have to leave my job, my life, just yet. Moving up there to be with him is not really the question anymore. As the time draws nearer, it becomes more and more apparent that being away from him will be very hard, especially when I don't HAVE to be. We're excited to be a "normal" couple for a little bit :). The question now is more of a "when?" I am bursting at the seams with excitement!!! (A little nervous, but aren't we all?) Sgt. is being so supportive and patient through it all and I appreciate him so much for it. Once he gets back here, by August for sure, I will help him move back to his new hometown and help get him settled... actually I will probably help get in the way more than anything but it will be nice to be a nuisance from an arms length away ;). And then we'll set out on our next adventure!

When I sleep, I dream of you, and when I wake, I long to hold you in my arms. If anything, our time apart has only made me more certain that I want to spend my nights by your side, and my days with your heart -Nicholas Sparks