Veterans Day

I wrote this last year sort of out of the blue for a Veterans Day blog. I hadn't planned it out, I just sat down one morning trying to say thank you, and out came a poem that I'm pretty proud of, but more importantly, others were able to connect with. I thought it appropriate to post it again, just because it still rings so true.

Today Sgt. is home, and he will be coming up to my school today to talk to my class about Veterans :). We've come so far over the last two years, and I thank God every day that he came home safe. I wish there was a way to convey how much I appreciate the man that he is... and I suppose this poem is about as close as I've ever gotten :) I hope you all enjoy.


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He has these incredible blue eyes that change depending on what he's wearing - and I'm sure they've seen things.

His lips are delectable to kiss and never fail to spill out words that are capable of making me melt. They tell me he loves me and he misses me. They laugh with me and sometimes at me. They carry his voice, with it's southern draw and smooth depth. - they have also given orders. They speak Arabic. His lips have been thirsty and dry from time spent in a thirsty and dry place.

His ears remember to listen when I have a story to tell. They allow me to complain, or to swoon, or to chatter without protest. - But I'm sure they've heard gunshots, I'm sure they've heard mortars, and they have also listened to soldiers who are weary or tired.

His hands are strong and never fail to fit perfectly in mine. They can sweep hair out of my eyes, wipe a tear, and give some of the most amazing hugs - yet they have also held a weapon for protection.

His shoulders are firm, and they are always there to rest my arms on should I be in the mood for a piggy back ride or to lay my head on when I am tired - they've carried ruck sack after ruck sack, and have held up his IBA for long hours.

His arms can envelop me. They are my favorite. Even the markings on him encompass a memory for me, of us, and where we started - and they have also help lift and carry supplies, prepared for missions, handed out humanitarian aides, and held the Iraqi baby who made him laugh during his interview which gave me the first glimpse of his chuckle in what had been far too long.

His Legs have chased me around the room over a cupcake, and his feet have kept mine warm late at night when the covers don't help. They walk with confidence as he circles around the car to open my door... every time. - yet his legs have also worn dirty ACU's and his feet heavy boots. They have been up and going for many hours on patrol and have sustained their fair share of abuse from the daily grind of deployment, and war.

There is no one quite like him. Yet there are many like him.

Here and there, it is always him, and he will always been my hero. For all that he has sacrificed, and all he claims he hasn't, for his humble heart and tendency to want to evade any hoopla over his service, for EVERYTHING he has done to serve his country, I am so proud.

Happy Veterans Day!

What to do

Sgt. just left for work so it gives me some free time to be a computer bum. I mean, I could be a computer bum while he's here but he's just too much fun to hang out with. Since I already cleaned the apartment last night while he was in the field until midnight... I am back to my blog.

To be honest, I have been thinking about my blog a lot lately. What to do with it? It's not really that I don't have blog worthy events happening in my life... there are lots and lots of really gushy and cheesy moments throughout the day that I love bragging about. Teaching gives me an entire book full of silly stories and quotes. We even have a bad day around here from time to time! I could blog about Tennessee more and how I'm adjusting, but to be honest... there wasn't really any adjusting... I really just fell into this place so nicely and comfortably that the story is really very short. I could blog about the rain.

Did you know that it has rained here EVERY DAY for the last TWO WEEKS.... I haven't seen REAL sunshine in two weeks folks! Did you know that Texas, my old home, had 90 consecutive days without rain this year.... now there IS an adjustment.

Honestly though, the great, wonderful, and mushy moments - although happen all the time, every day - they seem either too personal, something I just want to share with him, or they seem too braggy. It's silly, but this blog for me was always an outlet. Sure I had my moments when I just talked about my day or what was going on, but the majority of it, and most of my best writing took place when either I couldn't talk to Sgt. because of the deployment, or didn't want to talk to him because we were going through rough stages.

Now that we are on a completely different level of communication, and now that every day with him just gets better and better, and now that he is the person I always run to to tell every story good or bad... I just don't need my blog like I used to. I miss some of the friendships I felt I developed through the blog, and I really WISH I had this compulsion to blog like I used to but it's not there like it used to be. I still love reading everyone's and really enjoy going back through mine to relive some of those moments or to see how far we've come, but the parts of our life that I feel deep down really are extraordinary, can never be explained the right way through writing it down, so I just don't.

So, what to do now. I have thought about closing my blog for good. I've thought about starting up a public one for our family and friends to keep up with us, since thankfully this blog is still unknown by most of the people in our life. I've even thought about trying to just blog about the silly everyday stuff. I think I would enjoy it if I could get into it. Maybe that's all I need to do, just get used to this different type of blogging now that our life isn't in a constant state of warp speed :). Because boy do I LOVE the everyday with him. The silly, normal, constant that is us and our life right now.

Awesome August

Well blogging time again around Cabin Fever huh?

August has really been a fantastic month for us! Here are some of the highlights:

-Sgt. is now officially "Air Assault" stamped after passing the 10 day course (*cough* two weeks *cough* - off on Sunday's + Travel) with flying colors :) It was shockingly our biggest separation since moving to Tennessee 6 months ago (yes, it's been that long, crazy huh?!) but we did just fine :)

-Sgt. and I also celebrated his "One year home" date and my Birthday! All from Air Assault school of course. My Birthday is the only "holiday" that we have consecutively missed together every year we've been dating. Oh well, small price to pay. I know it could be worse

-While Sgt. was away my best friend from Texas came up for a week long visit! It was a blast getting to tour Music City together, and also really wonderful to have a little piece of Texas here for a while.

-Also while Sgt. was away, I was able to do a little DIY home decorating project. Sgt. is an amazing photographer, and has a hard drive full of these pictures he's taken from all over the world just sitting there. We had a massive blank wall in our living room above the couch that was screaming for something to be done to it, but we just aren't in a position to spend hundreds of dollars on art or decor. So I picked out three of my favorites, one from Texas, one from Rome, and one from Iraq (I believe... it's a sunset) and strolled on over to Kinkos. Did you know they will print black and white copies, we're talking BIG ones, for about 3 bucks? Yep. So the biggest expense was three large frames from a local craft store. That, some photos and a little spray paint and voila! Three beautiful black and white framed pieces of art in classy deep red frames (which match our throw pillows) For about fifty bucks total. I was proud of myself :) this DIY thing is kind of cool!

-My very good friend and fellow military girlfriend Re, who I've blogged about before, jumped ship from the ranks and is now a Fiance! I am so excited for them both and can't wait to do all the girlie wedding talk with her over the next year :). He has since deployed and they're planning for a wedding when he returns.

As I'm running through my mind I think that's everything! All is fabulous around here :)

about that time

It's interesting to think what my life would be like today with just a few short shifts in fate.

Recently a very close friend of mine, who also happens to be an Army Girlfriend, gave me some bad news. Her soldier applied for the same program Sgt. was accepted into and he was rejected. Granted, it's not like free candy, and Sgt. worked his butt off not only on the packet for the application but his entire Army career which set the file that was eventually granted acceptance. Since my friends soldier was not accepted, he will be deploying very soon for the second time.

Last deployment we were going through it together. Our deployments overlapped so as her soldier was coming home, Sgt. still had a few months left in country, but still... we went through it together.

It's true what they say, about the bond forged between women who have a loved one deployed. I couldn't have imagined a quicker or stronger friendship.

I'm sad that the cards didn't work out for her the same way, it's just another reminder at how blessed I truly am to be in the situation I'm in.

Sgt. would be training up right now. Getting ready for his third deployment. I would be getting ready as well, preparing myself, as much as you can anyway, for our long separation. Would our relationship be as strong as it is now? Would I ever have gotten the privilege to wake up next to him every morning? Would he still be in Germany, and us still only able to see each other once every 6 months or so? There's no telling really.

With three years left in our in-between Army world I'm resolved to enjoy every moment. Will it make it harder down the road? Maybe. How will I feel during our second deployment together when he's been home and close for so long? So much can happen in that amount of time... just look whats happened in a year! The entire course of our lives, our relationship, shifted because a series of very fortunate events. Or maybe, maybe it was always supposed to be this way. I'm typically a big believer in that. The other side to the coin is that this year has gone by so fast... I find myself wondering how fast the next three will be.

I'm so grateful to have what we have together. When I started blogging half way through Sgt.'s deployment over a year ago... I never imagined I'd be here. Now I know anything is possible :) good and bad of course... which is why the here and now is so wonderful.

I don't wish Sgt. was deploying again right now, although from time to time I think he does. No matter where he is or what he's doing, he is a soldier to his core... and I see that. I am not hurt or surprised that he would long for his work and his duty. I do wish though, that I could be there for my friend as I was before. Not just someone who's "been there" but someone who was there at that exact same moment. This may sound weird to say, and I'm sure it won't come out exactly how I feel it but, there is a certain pride that comes with saying "My boyfriend? He's deployed. Yes I miss him, but we take it a day at a time. I'm proud of him. The waiting isn't so bad" of being able to say we did it, we made it. If I had to pick a positive about a deployment, I suppose that's the one I'd choose. It doesn't make me miss him less when he's gone, and it doesn't make any of it any easier, but it does give you a warm fuzzy from time to time.... and everyone can use one of those.

He could be working long hours and getting ready for his third trip to the other side of the world. Instead, he will be home in a few hours from work, and he'll wake me up off the couch or in bed if I can make it, and he'll kiss me goodnight.... and our life will continue on this course it's meant to be on.

I just think it's necessary from time to time to remember how I could just as easily be saying:

He's working long hours and he's getting ready for his third trip to the other side of the world. He'll call in a few hours to say goodnight, and I love you... and our life will continue on this course it's meant to be on.

Oh, you're ganna want to hear this one

Here is a story of how our first car buying experience together went....

The back story here is that my poor Protege came to an early end when she was rear-ended back in May. The car was totalled and my dreams of continuing to not have a car payment seemed teetery at best.

In reality, getting hit was probably a blessing because my transmission was going out anyway and getting the settlement for the totalled car would help us purchase a new one...which was coming anyway.

We decided to purchase the salvage title for my car thinking "Hey, it still runs, at least this will give us time to shop around for the best deal" and it ended up giving us about two weeks.... last week the transmission started failing on me and we have to jump start my poor girl to life every morning so we have been frantically searching for another car.

I have never had to purchase a car before, my first and second car (the only two I've ever owned) were both given to me by my parents so I have been very lucky to have someone else do the dirty work. Sgt. spent the entire week searching through private vehicle listings and discussing with me what I was looking for and what I would love, because he wanted so badly to make me happy and to also get me something that would be a good deal.

He really was a life saver in all of this. I don't know what I would have done without him. I tend to deal with stress in the "Ostrich method" When I see it coming I walk along until it gets so close I stick my head in the sand hoping it will disappear and then I have a breakdown (much like sitting in front of the computer crying after looking at cars online for 4 hours) and THEN I am able to attack. Once all my other defenses are spent.

Sgt. on the other hand, deals with stress in the "Cat method." You know that poster where the kitty is barely hanging onto the tree limb? Stress pushes at him and he pushes back. Hard. He will dig his claws in without a second thought and attack head on. Which he did in this situation and I am immensely grateful.

Like many things in life, he is my rock, and this was no different.

We were getting into a situation we didn't want to be in, which was NEEDING to buy a car SOON. We decided on getting a cash car. Using the money we got from my car being totalled and searching for a good deal. Just something reliable that will get me to and from my 40-min-one-way commute and something I would like.

Then we come to this weekend. And we do NOTHING but look at cars, and talk about cars, and sigh with frustration about cars, and maybe a few tears on my part about cars, and call people about cars, and lower our standards on cars... blah blah blah.

It's Sunday now.

Sgt. worked from 11pm - 8am. He came home and we ate a donut together, and he slept for ONLY an hour and a half. Then he woke up and got back to helping me search for cars. We called 4 different people yesterday morning leaving messages. We went and looked at one car which was owned by a typical former used car salesman who was really wanting us to pay WAY over KBB value for a car with a bad transmission. No thank you.

Then we find this car.

This car on craigslist which is posted by a father selling the car for his deployed son. His deployed mechanic son. His deployed mechanic son who just replaced this, this, this, this, this, this, this, and this on the car before deploying. His deployed son who just replaced this, this, this, this, this, this, this, and this on the car and then had the radio stolen out of the car while it was in the hold lot. His deployed son who just replaced all this and then had the unfortunate luck to have his radio stolen out of the car by some other soldier. His deployed son who just replaced all this, had his radio stolen, and who also has the difficult situation of having his young wife at home who really needs to sell the car because she needs the money.

and our hearts swell with the hope of helping another soldier and his family while still getting something we need.

And we EVEN asked to get his APO address so we could send him a care package.

Because after Sgt. had only slept 2 hours in over 24 and I was at my wits end looking at cars and we DID find a car that drove better than anything else we looked at, we didn't question the story. We didn't really think about all the details lining up. We bought the car at KBB listed value and drove home happy as clams. After a night of sleep, a weird feeling, and highly tuned facebook/myspace/and AKO white page stalking skills.... we find out the real story.

The unit his son belongs to just got BACK from Afghanistan, they're not deployed nor deploying. And the guy listed on the title, the "Army Mechanic Son", in fact states his job as an infantry man in the training room.... not a mechanic at all. It looks like he and his wife just got married. If he was married when he deployed (as he said he was) why would his car be in the hold lot on post? But hey, still could've gotten broken into, right? But there is no sign of forced entry. Then again, the car was probably in housing since he was married (if he was) and if it was in housing it's still likely that his wife could have left her door unlocked and some poor soul just opened the door and took their stereo. However, whoever did that really took their time clipping all of the wires off so you can easily install a new stereo with an install kit. (thinking, they wanted to keep their radio... how about you?)

So yeah. We got dooped. On the "deployed solider in a bad way" story. The only things that really make me mad are 1. those details are things we KNOW.... but we just trusted because it sounded like a worthy cause and we were tired. 2. It makes Sgt. feel like he failed me in some sort of way and he didn't. He was my life saver and God-send in all of it. 3. I was going to send a really good care package. I was looking forward to it.

Do I still like the car even though the people I bought it from are less than honest? Yes. Especially if it works exactly the way they said. Do I think I paid a fair price for it? Yeah... I probably would've offered him a little lower but I didn't want to low ball some soldiers wife so I just offered KBB value and took it. What probably happened is they wanted to sell their 98 Toyota Camry but weren't able to easily around Ft. Campbell because all of those soldiers just got back and soldiers who just got back from deployment are usually much more eager to jump in to something they can spend their hard earned extra cash on. So in the end I suppose I still got an ok deal... and we came out the good guys which I'm always ok with.

That's alright though. Luckily, I'm in love with a man who actually is connected to the Army and was a deployed NCO, and knows better. Spc. will get a call later on to make sure he's not running some kind of scam. And to make sure that my newly purchased car isn't going to blow up this week.

Some people. I swear.

He saw me in my Spanx

Seriously.

For a little background here, I don't know if anyone else out there owns a pair of Spanx but they are these wondrous little body shapers you can wear under any clothing to smooth everything out and hold anything in. I bought mine while in college and have loved them ever since. And yes, they are the obnoxious and embarrassing from-under-the-boobs-down-to-mid-thigh kind. (And now that I've said boob creepers will be here in no time.)

Actually one of the first times I ever wore my spanx was under the dress I wore to Sgt.'s Cav ball. We had been dating about two month and when I got dressed at his apartment (I lived about an hour away) I left all of my bags in his bathroom so that once we got home from Cav ball I could make the "I really have to pee" excuse and cruise in there to take them off in case... ya know... Annnnnyyyywwaaaayyyy

Well yesterday I was putting on my insanely cute red white and blue plaid dress for the day. Sgt. was laying on the bed and I'm standing half in and half out of the closet. When I came out to twirl around and receive my adoring compliments :) he said "It looks great babe! You really do look great, I don't know why you don't wear more tight fitting clothing, all your dresses seem kind of poofy"

I might preface this part with the fact that I've lost about 6lbs since moving here. Yay me!

True, I'm very fond of the A line dress and the empire waist. I just think they're flattering on me. That is his definition of poofy. However, I've also got this little bitty, not so flat, although not fat tummy thing which is where the Spanx come in handy! Not to mention the fact that I don't really have a lot of places to go that require corsets or skin tight dresses....

But ok, I'll see how this plays out honey.

"Well I just think these are more comfortable, but I have that bridesmaids dress that's pretty form fitting."

So now we're playing fashion show and he's absolutely enjoying watching me dress and undress in all these dresses.

I put the bridesmaids dress on which is made out of that silky-satiny material that grabs and hangs on to absolutely every single curve one has. Even if your panties create a little hug in the waist, this dress shows it. *eye roll* but I wore the thing. So I put it on for Sgt. and he oohs and aahs at how fabulous I look. And me being he woman I am point out my not flat-not fat tummy thing and mention the spanx.

He insists he doesn't know what I'm talking about and says I look great, but he is intrigued by the mention of watching me try on something else.

So I agree to try the dress on with the spanx underneath.

If you have ever had to put these things on, you'll start laughing about here. Because they're tight. And to get into them requires a fair bit of stretching and jumping. Plus they're not cute. So I go into the closet to find them and I show them to him in all their not-yet-stretched-over-my-body tiny glory and then head back to the closet to change into them, out of sight.

My plan was to put the spanx on, put the dress on, and then come out.

His plan was different.

When he saw me heading back he was like "no no no, just put them on." "What, here?" "yeah" "this is not going to be sexy honey, I promise, just give me a second" "please?"

After more back and forth I agreed to come out once they were on... just so he could see them on.

Yeah really.

And his response? "that's awesome babe! That kind of looks like those one-piece wrestler suits!"

I did put the dress on over it to prove my point but he insisted there was no difference and I look great both ways. Such a wonderful man, don't you think? :)

I can't believe I just mortified us but in fairness, I did say while this was all going on, "I'm going to blog about this"

Two years ago the mere thought of him knowing I even had ON Spanx was horrific.... now I'm parading around our bedroom in them.

Atleast I know he really loves me!

Pearls while road marching

Here's a nice recap of the last few days since I've been meaning to post since Saturday!

This weekend was really great! Really, we had one of the best weekends and we never left far from home (and honestly spent very little money).

So Sgt. is training/getting ready for Air Assault school which is coming up in... oh... 8 weeks? August. Anyway, Air Assault (I was going to put AA but... didn't want anyone confused on were he's headed) has this 12 mile ruck in a 3 hour time limit. So, Sgt. tells me earlier in the week that Saturday he's going to walk to the University and back. Well my first thought was "cool, can I come?" and since I don't really have much of a filter I said "Cool, can I come?"

Saturday morning rolls around and our goal of a 8am departure turned into around 10am but head out we did. Sgt. was in his ACU's with a ruck sack and about.... 20lbs(?) added. I was in normal workout attire and to top it all off, a baseball cap and pearl earrings. I'm pretty classy, what can I say? The truth is I wore them just because I really don't take them off often, they're my every day earrings, but it amused Sgt.

Well all in all it ended up being a little over 4 miles and really a good time spent together. We talked and joked around, all the while attempting to keep his pace. The only problem there is that the man is a good 8 inches taller than me and I have short legs to boot so in order to keep up I was taking almost two steps to each of his. There were a few times where I was over compensating thinking "I don't want to walk behind him because I don't want him to slow down thinking he's got to hold back for me, he's supposed to be training" but after being asked three times to quit speeding up because I was throwing off his natural pace I figured a step behind wouldn't kill me.

Sunday we did the normal household chores and errands and then we decided to go hiking at one of the national battlefields close by. We packed a picnic, the camera, and headed out! That was a lot of fun too! Just spending time together.

A lot of pictures were taken of me, none of him because he's much more fond of snapping the photos. And after walking probably a mile we found an off beat trail and laid out our blanket. I had a blast and later that night in bed we talked about what a great weekend it had been.

THEN.... yes, there's more, yesterday was just one of those days. By 8am I had already called three different companies concerning one problem or another. Trying to deal with getting my car totalled out (which by the way, I think if someone hits you, and they end up totalling your car and that car is completely paid for, they should add 5,000 dollars to your settlement so that you can actually afford to buy another car ....which will likely require you to now budget for car payments.... grrr) and when I got to work I had to sit in the parking lot for about 5 minutes to finish getting the cry out and compose myself. It didn't get a whole lot better from there.

Sgt. knew it had been an awful day (because he had to hear about it multiple times) but he kept a really calm composure and was extremely reassuring and encouraging for me. When I rolled into the door around 7:45pm I was beat and just glad to be home. He helped me set my stuff down and wrapped me in a big hug and then took me by the hand and led me into the bathroom.

When I walked in the door there are candles lit around our tub and a hot bath that was drawn only a couple of minutes before. He kissed me and told me just to relax. After I got in the tub he came back in with a glass of wine and I'm completely speechless. I just kept smiling like a fool and saying thank you. Strange part is that this is not the first, or even the second time he's done this on a bad day of mine... I'm just always still so surprised and thankful that he's who he is.

After my much needed bath he brought me a robe and finished up dinner while I sat and just watched him. A little Michael Buble mix on Pandora and a faux fireplace screen saver playing on our TV.... life doesn't get much better than this.

Now it's today. He's sitting behind me studying for a physics test he's got tomorrow. We ordered Chinese food and had a beer earlier. There is a basket of laundry sitting in front of me that's saying "no, you don't have to fold us tonight... we'll wait... you can always throw us back in the dryer if you want..." and now he's actually reading his Physics out loud. Yep.... really, I just hear the words "kinetic energy"

Life still doesn't get much better.

Life is good

So Sgt. and I were goofing off on the computer the other day when he went to my blog link and I knew I hadn't posted in a while but a whole month? Seriously? I don't think that's happened since... well.... ever?

Honestly? Life is so completely wonderful and going so well... I have nothing to say, other than just that. It's great. SO SO Great!

Sure, Sgt. and I have had our disagreements since I moved here. I think I've stomped into the house on more than one occasion, but nothing that isn't solved by the end of the day. Still though, coming up on three months living together and I still look at him and say "I love our life together"

Just last night Sgt. was sitting out on our back porch that's right off the living room. He had the door open because we were chatting, and I was leaning on the couch thumbing through a book. He was quiet for a minute and then he said "Ya know, looking into our home at night like this... it really looks... homey, like a home... it's been a long time since I've lived somewhere like that... thank you honey." Cue the huge cheesy grin on my face. And it's true. I love our life here. Tennessee has been good to me, I love my job and I even got a huge compliment from what would be the equivalent of our superintendent the other day. She got me a gift card because she just happened to visit our school and was "blown away" with my room and me, and everything I had done. I could've been walking on clouds the rest of the day, I'm tellin ya. The best part though, is of course, him. Our life is wonderful. It's content. It's growing. It's learning. But above anything else it's loving and full of life. We don't do gloriously exciting things every weekend. Some days we cook dinner together, other days we order out, and some days, we don't eat dinner together at all because of our schedules. There are days when the apartment is a mess and both of us would like to clean it, but we'd rather spend the two hours we have home together, together, and not cleaning, so we leave it be. The laundry isn't always done and sometimes we're even snappy and frustrated. He is annoyed that I wait until the dish washer is packed full before starting it in order to save water... because we're left with no dishes. I could stand for him to actually wake up the first time the alarm goes off so that fifteen minutes of my morning isn't spent trying to coerce him out of bed :). But that's our life. One I wouldn't change for the world.

Out of all the ordinary there is the extraordinary. This morning he came home after working the graveyard shift. Up all night and the first thing he does is quietly close the bedroom door so he doesn't wake me. I wake up an hour later at the sound of the same door opening and this gorgeous man walking in with a tray full of breakfast for me. Breakfast in bed, for me, after working from 11pm to 7am. Why? Because he loves me he says, because he's lucky he says, and then he makes a joke of personal nature ;). And that's not the first time he's done something wonderful like that.

I suppose I could blog a lot more, but it all seems so simple when I go to write. I'm happy. So wonderfully, blissfully, sickeningly happy. My day is pretty much the same every day. I wake up to the person I love, I get ready for work, he helps me rush around the apartment to find the things I've forgotten, he kisses me goodbye, I head to work where my day is filled with "Ms. KJ I love you." and also "*student* please stop. Is that something you're supposed to be doing? No? Then make a better choice" I chat with co-workers and then head home after work to a smile at the door, some kind of dinner, and an early bed time. But I feel more alive than I've ever felt.

So there you have it. Things are going wonderfully. I have been keeping up with reading the blogs, though I've been a crappy commenter and I apologize. The good news is I'm so wrapped up in what I'm doing here I don't sit down a lot to talk about it. I know some loved ones have returned home and some are getting ready to leave. Congratulations and good luck! I do still think about my little blog family out there :)

Hope everyone is doing fabulously!

Should be doing lesson plans....

But I'm not.

Because I'm actually awake after 9pm!! Can you believe that? Seeing as I've been falling asleep on the couch beginning at 8:40 lately and Sgt. has been getting a nice nightly arm workout by carrying me to the bedroom (yeah, he actually does :) although I'm halfway incoherent and probably drooling most of the time).

I don't know what it's been these past few days - I hope to God I'm just PMSing because honestly this is just too many emotions popping up one after the other. Tonight it's homesickness, yesterday it was just frustration? I don't know what it was. Monday it was something, although, can't remember now on that one either. To be completely 100% honest, here it is:

I love living here! I love living here with him! I love my job!!

I miss knowing whats going on. I miss Mexican food and going out and doing something (anything.) I miss making plans with people.

Still no friends and it's starting to wear me down. Like I told Sgt. tonight, it's not that I'm unhappy, heck, I'm not even lonely!! I certainly have no room to complain with everything I've been blessed with lately but.... listen, I get up at 3:30 am... I am at work from 6am to usually at least 5pm (but I love it, the hours fly and I absolutely adore all the work I put into my kids and my class) and get home a little after 6pm, where I eat dinner with Sgt. (a dinner he cooks because he's wonderful and doesn't want me to have to feel obligated to cook after such long days... and probably because he likes eating before 9pm) watch a little TV and pass out. (read above) It wouldn't be so bad if I was starting to mesh with the people at work but still nothing... they're not bad people, or even mean people, they just kind of stick to themselves. So I don't ever really feel like "a part of the club" (how 8th grade.... I know), I talk to 4 year olds all day, and then get a couple of hours with my boyfriend before sleep hits.

Ok done complaining, I was just missing home a lot this week and it seemed appropriate to blog about. Did I mention Sgt. is going back to Texas in two weeks for a family thing.... and that I'm unable to go? I'm a little jealous. Not his fault... mandatory inservice for work... but dang. Alright, moving on.

Living together is still so far, so good! I'm hoping that with his new work schedule we'll have a little more time to do things together other than sleep and eat. I know, I know, not long ago there was a time when we would go weeks and months without seeing each other - so, no, it's not going to kill me, but that's the point, if I have the opportunity to spend time with him, then why not take advantage of it? I just don't want us to get into a routine of being "room mates" rather than an actual breathing, living, madly in love couple. Did I mention he brought me dessert tonight, which included chocolate brownie ice cream with sliced strawberries on top?? Never had a room mate do THAT for me! ;)

Oh, and side note, Sgt. is tracking for another 4.0 this semester!! Whooo hoo! He can downplay whatever he wants, but it's my blog so on here I can brag about whatever IIII want. He also got some outstanding cadet of the year or something.... which, and don't tell him I said this, but which I'm also happy for him for. The ROTC/green-2-gold thing is still push and shove for him. A couple of weeks ago he came home from a FTX all sorts of angry and frustrated and it set off a sort of week and a half isolation for him. He began feeling really stagnant again and I got a whiff of his "I"m not happy and something needs to change quickly" mindset. However I didn't take it so personally this time and I like to think I did a lot better handling it than I have in the past. This time it was just more of, me wishing he wasn't unhappy. And wanting to be able to help. No one wants to see the person they love unhappy. Anyway, doing better now!

Maybe this weekend I'll go explore some of the city.... who knows what the deal is. I'll leave you with a funny quote though. Yesterday on the playground one of my students was standing near me and she saw me rub my head. She asked what was wrong and I told her I just had a headache.

4 year old blonde girl: "I know why you have a headache"
me: "You do?"
4 yobg: "Yup, you drink too much"

:) Happy Day everyone!

You're gana miss this....

That's the song that's playing right now so I figured it appropriate for a blog title. Why not, right? Potato Patato... or something like that.

Hiiiiiii!!

No, I don't have a good excuse for not blogging...

So want to hear what I've been up to? I know you're very interested. For starters it's been a little over a month since Sgt. and I made the big leap into living together and it's going so great! It's so wonderful to feel like it was the right thing to do, that we made the right decision, and that it was the right time. Things completely fell into place once I moved down here, I see him every night (sans this weekend while he's in the field), I got my dream job (more to come soon), and I'm just downright HAPPY!

There is certainly something to say for spending most of the first two years together, apart. We don't bicker about petty things, it's not really us anyway, but the bottom line is, what's the point? We're together.... after everything we've been through, the little stuff is not something to argue about, it's something to be treasured. Sure, we have our moments of annoyance or frustration, but nothing that's not overcome within the hour. And let me tell you, it is SOOOOOOO much easier (unbelievably so) to handle bad moods or bad days when you live together (for us anyway). Before, if Sgt. called and had a bad day he was snappy and I in turn would feel a little hurt blah blah blah, you know how it goes. Now, if he's snappy I just give him some space.... start dinner, whatever, and 10 times out of 10 he will realize how he reacted and apologize and tell me about his bad day or he will get his time he needed and walk up behind me to give me a hug. Nothing to fret over. When I am frustrated it's a million times easier to talk to him about it face to face rather than through the phone. I can see his reaction and read his body language... I don't get nearly as worked up or freaked out about it, which I'm sure is a relief to him :). We have FUN together. We're homebody's but some of our best times are just laying on the couch watching TV together and getting into a huge tickle fight (which I inevitably lose...) and goofing off. He's incredibly thoughtful and will start dinner when I have a long day at work, or make me coffee and time it so it's exactly perfect when I walk in the door. He's appreciative. I tend to do a lot of the house work, but not because he won't... I just get around to it quicker, and he's always telling me thank you. Life is good. It's goooood :). I'm very happy with where we are.

As far as work is concerned - awesome. Want to hear the really really good news? I'm officially a teacher!! They finally gave me my own classroom. My own pre-k class first door on the right when you walk up the stairs :) In fact there are a few bee hives and butterflies that are calling to be cut out as we speak for my new bulletin board. It came out of nowhere. My first few weeks they were kind of vague about where they were going to put me. I was expecting that to last but my director came to talk to me one day and Monday I started in my own room! I love love love love love it. The only downside is sometimes it can make for a long day for me. I wake up at 3:30am to get to the school by 6:00am (it's about a 40 min. commute and I don't like being rushed) and if I stay until all the kids go home (it's a day care/early childhood school so longer days) I leave by about 5:15 and get home after 6:00. On Wednesday night I was dead set on making us chicken and dumplins for dinner before he left for the field on Thursday and I also had lesson plans due on Thursday afternoon. Well, I ended up not finishing dinner until almost 10pm (sad, I know. I got a late start) and I fell asleep sitting up on the couch trying to finish lesson plans. The UP side is that most days I get off earlier than that... I should only have two days a week that are over 8.

So out of all the goals I had upon moving here I have just one left to cross off. Friends. Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with Sgt. but a girl needs someone to shop with or grab a margarita with should she so choose. In fact, SGT. probably needs a girl to have a girl to go shopping with ;). You'd think that living in a college town and close to a major city it wouldn't be hard... but on the contrary. First, major city (and work) is at least 40 minutes away, so if I make a friend up there, it would be very hard for us to hang out often what with the trip and all. Living in the college town, everyone who does anything "clubby" (volunteering or sports or whatever) all do it through the university so I have very little to no contact with them. If Sgt. had a bff who had a great girlfriend that would be ideal but right now, no go. Plus, I know he's tired of me asking every single time we run into some guy he knows from one class he took last semester (i.e. not really a friend) we promptly get in the car and I ask about said guys dating history and relationship status. I need help lol. Maybe I'll put an add in the paper:

"Just moved to town. Outgoing, bubbly, talkative, enjoys chick flicks, shopping, tasty drinks, cooking, movies, decorating and double dates. Seeking like minded female who can appreciate good gossip and sarcasm, has a penchant for road trips and a good listening ear. If this sounds like you and you're in the market for a friend as I am, please call or e-mail. "

What. A. Loser. Who ever thought it'd be so hard finding a friend as a grown up? School made it much too easy. Friends were always accessible. Of course I still talk to all my friends from Texas, but I can't hang out with them. Don't get me wrong, I'm not unhappy at all. I love my evenings and weekends with Sgt. or alone relaxing and cleaning and window shopping while he's at work. I don't really feel this void or anything... I just think I need some friends, ya know? Any suggestions?

Hope you're all having a great weekend!

Thank you Sam.

My blogging is sporadic. I know, but mostly it's because I do not get on a computer at work anymore. Not once, the entire day. When I get home in the evenings, I like to spend time with this guy I know :) so... basically moral of the story is I haven't checked my e-mail in 4 days. Ooops!

However, I couldn't pass this one up.

I am now working as a teacher at a day school/learning center/fancy schmancy day care center - whatever you call it where you are. It's younger age kids, but set up in a classroom, with a curriculum, and lesson plans, and circle time too. Ya know, that sort of thing. Anyway... today is about Sam. You see, Sam is getting ready to move up to the "big boy room" (3 year old class) soon. But the trick is that before he can move up, he has to go two weeks accident free. Yes, we are in the potty training stage my friends. So it was no surprise when during center time, Mr. Sam walks past me....

Scene: classroom. Young blonde, two year old boy who resembles Spanky from the little rascals.

Sam: drops toys and stiffens his hands by his sides "Ms. KJ!! I need to poop! THE POOP! It's coming out of my butt!!"

Me: looks down at Sam "Then go! Hurry buddy!"

We then run to the bathroom where he promptly pulls down his pants and goes poo-poo in the potty! Whoo hooo Sam!!

And guess what else? No accidents today. :)

Still

On the weekends Sgt. works double shifts from 3pm until 7am. The house is quiet when he's gone and I often occupy myself with laundry or cleaning or movies, sometimes all three and then some.

I go to sleep early because there is no one here to play chess with or to cuddle with on the couch listening to the Michael Buble station on pandora, like we do lots of nights. (which is a FABULOUS station by the way) I don't cook dinner because there are enough leftovers from the week and honestly, cooking for one is never very fun. (plus I just cleaned the kitchen right?) It's a nice relaxing time but my favorite time is still when he gets home in the morning.

Since I moved in here I can't think of a weekend morning that's gone by where he hasn't done the same, wonderful, perfect thing.

He comes in and changes out of his uniform, and does the usual "going to bed" rituals. He sneaks into the room, careful not to wake me. Usually he doesn't (wake me, that is). Then he moves the covers and climbs in to bed which usually gets my eyes open, and he pulls me close and kisses my forehead and whispers sweet and charming and loving things before he falls asleep.

I like to lay there with him. Even when I'm already awake, it's nice to have him by my side for a little while. I still watch him sleep for a few moments, thinking about how lucky and blessed I am to have him by my side. To have gone through everything we've gone through... PCS's and deployments, over a year apart, the confusion and mess that was October, and still we are here. Together. As if, it was always supposed to end up this way. (I think it was)

Living together, it's easy to be used to him here every day. I don't spend my days thinking about all the time we've spent apart but there are moments, moments when I catch him pouring us coffee as I walk out of the bedroom in the morning, and moments where I feel his presence quietly behind me as he sneaks over to kiss my neck, when the world gets quiet and all can think about is "I'm so glad you're here."

This morning he layed there sleeping with my head on his chest and his arm draped across my waist. I watched his chest rise and fall. And that sense of relief washed over me. He has still not been home a year, but I am thankful for every moment that he is. I have seen him in many lights since last August. The settling that comes with time from one environment change to another certainly had its way with us both :)

He is not impossible to keep up with, although he certainly gives me a run for my money. He is strong and sure and loves me in a way that restores my faith in pure and uncostly love, every day. He makes me laugh and supports me with encouragement that is his alone. He's able to do this because he has learned about me, and continues to do so. The hard work (however last minute it may be ;) ) he has put into school is quite a sight to see. I admire and respect him so much for the unstoppable force he is when it comes to achieving his goals, and when it comes to the attention and care he puts into us.

I'm not sure why I felt compelled to blog about it. Maybe it was just one of those moments when you know you want to be able to look back a year from now and remember it. And all it took was laying next to him, watching him sleep, knowing he's here beside me and knowing I wouldn't change a thing.

Lazy Saturday

So lets re-cap my day shall we? I got up, showered, and started coffee. About then, the man of the house made me some cereal ♥ and we finished watching the movie "The Lucky Ones." After cereal, I put a load (yep, just one...) of laundry (cough:uniforms:cough) into the wash (dried them too). Then I read exactly two sentences of "On Killing".

After my exhausting two sentences I wrote up the report I needed to do after observing all of the classrooms at my new school on Friday (ok, that was important)... while eating a plate full of fruit and cheese that the handsome man who lives here brought in for us to munch on.

I talked to a friend on the phone for about 10 minutes. Hung out with Sgt. before he left for work around 3 and then I actually did go running today, did 30 minutes (despite the insistent voice in my head that was telling me I didn't want to go) now, I just finished watching "The Express."

Laaaaazzzzzzyyyyyyyy

The Ugly Kite and Me.

Some of you may or may not know about the Ugly Kite travels. A while back I was browsing through blogs and came across one who had posted one day about people hosting "Ugly Kite" which is apparently a decorative item people in Germany put all up in store windows and on front doors. Well my turn to host Ugly Kite came a few days ago and I thought you all might enjoy a little view of what we were up to!

This is Ugly Kite enjoying some Tennessee sweet tea

Here's Ugly Kite in front of the Welcome Home sign Sgt. made me :)

Ugly Kite participating in our near nightly ritual... a game of chess! (and wine...)

Ugly Kite with my new Tennessee license

and with my old Texas one...

Ugly Kite making chicken salad

So there you have it folks! Ugly Kite had a nice visit and is now off to California. Safe travels Ugly friend.

I love loud music

Ya know, in the car when it's just you driving and it's a pretty day outside... the sun is shining and you would roll the window down if you hadn't just spent 30 min. straightening your hair. Good thing is, I'll have plenty of time to listen to the radio now on my drive to work in the morning.

What's that?

I GOT A JOB!!!

One I am SUPER excited about... back in the classroom folks! :) I have to get back to supper now as I have a delightful spaghetti sauce simmering on the stove and a boyfriend coming home soon (that's right, home as in our home.... I have a JOB and a wonderful man to welcome home each day) but I wanted to make sure and tell you all that.

As much as I've loved being a house-girlfriend and am glad I had the time to unpack and settle in... I'm feeling incredibly blessed and joyful that the job search didn't turn into a dreadful and torturous experience. It doesn't make for a very harmonious living situation. I told Sgt. earlier this afternoon that even though I wasn't doubting me living here, it's nice to see that it's the right time by the way things are working out so much better. I guess what they say about timing is everything, is true.

Speaking of time. Spaghetti sauce.

One last time for good measure though, say it with me, paycheck....

Tennessee Two

Good morning good morning!

I'm in a good mood, sorry for all the cheer fullness, I know it's a Monday and the last thing anyone wants on a Monday is that upbeat person fluttering around but I need to be in a good mood today, I need to be positive and upbeat because today I need to find a JOB.

A job, along with my camera cord, an iron scrolly thing, and a couple of other miscellaneous items are about the only things left that I have to locate. Ever since we arrived on Thursday night I've been unpacking and rearranging and putting things up on walls (only to have Sgt. come and help because for the life of me I can't hang a damn thing straight). It's been fun, and my wonderful amazing boyfriend has been absolutely encouraging in all my decorating desires. Not that I've done anything crazy... no paint and very little moving of the furniture. A few pictures, vases, and wall decor here and a bathroom rug and shower curtain there, but he seems to like it!

As soon as we got here Thursday night (after Sgt. drove the entire 18 hours himself in rain the ENTIRE time) there was no adjustment period needed to feel like home, it already was home. Even though the very sweet "Welcome Home!" sign Sgt. made and put on the wall was greatly appreciated :). (it's still up by the way lol.) The apartment and I are well acquainted, mainly because it's been housing the one thing that is always home to me, him. TN town and I will get to know each other with time. I'm still not quite sure where to find everything, but I successfully navigated my way to the grocery store, Target, and a restaurant to find sweet tea yesterday so I'm starting to get a feel for it.

When I left Texas everyone kept asking me if I was ok. "I'm good" I'd reply. I didn't have the heart to tell them the truth: "I'm ecstatic! I can't wait!" Sure, saying goodbye to my work family was a little difficult and saying goodbye to Sgt.'s family was hard. Saying goodnight to my dad and hearing him recite fatherly advice for long trips in bad weather made me smile and miss him before we were gone, but Sgt. was always there and it was easy to see where I was heading and why. The decision couldn't have been easier. I kept expecting some wave of sadness to hit, and as we were driving out of the hill country I got a little choked up when I said something like "Wow, I can't believe this is the last time I'll make this drive for a while" but all in all.... it's wonderful. I couldn't be happier to be where I am, and with who I'm with. He makes it right. Who knows, maybe it'll still come in time, but I somehow doubt it.

Ok, now to find a job. (Maybe if I say it like it's so easy I'll start to believe it?)

I have a blog, right?

Hello out there. Can anyone hear me? It's me, KJ... I vaguely remember having a blog before moving. Sgt. arrived without incident and it was wonderful to finally say hello to someone and not just goodbye.

We got lots of visiting done today, and my wonderful boyfriend installed a new stereo in my car as a surprise for our trip (and because I've had the most god awful radio for two years)... oh and we got the storage shed. Yep. We're going to head out tomorrow around 6:30 pm, see my folks, and take a short nap. We'll hit the road and then we'll be home in TN by around 10pm Thursday night... exhausted, and dead tired, but HOME! I can't wait :).

Sgt. walked into my room Monday night and while I was in the bathroom washing my face I hear him call to me from the other room.. "So honey, which half of this is going with us and which half is going to storage?" "hahaha.... half? Umm... everything but that box in the front is going... right... it'll fit right babe?" he's quiet for a moment and then I walk out to see him, he looks up at me with a smile and says "uh... yeah... sure, we'll see what we can do."

Hahahaha, half. Men.

I apologize for my sever lack in commenting and posting... I'm hoping to emerge from my moving bubble next week sometime. Until then, take care. See you on the other side :)

8 days

Well, we're 8 days away from the big move! Packing is progressing along nicely... although I have no idea how I ended up with so much stuff. I think gremlins are sneaking into my apartment at night and putting things conspicuously around the room, because there is absolutely no way I have acquired that much stuff, right? RIGHT?

This weekend I said my first "goodbye" and it was probably one of the hardest ones I will have to make. It was my brother. My brother and I are extremely close and if that didn't make the goodbye hard enough, he's kind of going through a rough time right now so it stinks feeling like I won't be here for him in the months ahead. That's silly though, I will be there for him, I'm only a phone call away, and Sgt. and I will be back to visit soon enough... like I told Sgt. though, relatively speaking, I won't see most of these people (the ones I'm saying goodbye to) much less than I see them now, it's just that now I know I am states away, and not just a couple of hours. I am still confident in the decision I've made and I couldn't be more excited about it... I can't wait to be there with him, to be home, but closing a chapter is always a little hard.

This weekend I dragged my brother to the San Marcos outlet malls to shop with me. I got throw pillows for our couch and bed at the Pottery Barn Outlet.... for $35.00 y'all!! 5 throw pillows, and two inserts (they didn't have the other sizes so I'll have to order them) for $35.00. Need I say anything else about why I love that place? (yeah, and gremlins are the reason I have so much stuff packed/to pack)

Other than all that, everything is going pretty smoothly. I don't feel rushed or stressed as of now. I'm hoping that I arranged everything in a timely manner so that I can get through it easily, but we'll see. 8 days left! Can't wait :)

All about us!

I'm interrupting the regularly scheduled update for a more lighthearted post, but before we get to that, there are a few housekeeping things to take care of: As you read from my last post all my widgets were deleted :( very sad, which means that all the blogs I had on my sidebar are gone... more sad... so if you would please, leave a comment so I can have you all in one place and can add the blog back to the side bar! It will help me remember :). Even if you weren't on there before, heck even if you're new, leave a comment and I'll add you up there! It's much easier to get to the blogs to read them when they're, ya know... linked. Muchas Gracias!!

I found this on Just a Girlfriend is Just Fine With Me and thought it was super cute, so here's a fun little survey to learn a little more about us!

What are your middle names?
Well... I try and keep names on here non-existent or make believe so we'll do initials. My middle name starts with a J (See where the KJ comes from?) and Sgt's middle name starts with a P!

How long have you been together?
We've been something for a little over two years :)

Who asked whom out?
He asked me out. First he asked me to meet him for coffee but I couldn't, then he asked me if he could come down and take me on a date. The rest, as they say, is history!

How old are each of you?
Early twenties. Although Sgt. is 4 years older than me... a fact that is fun to play with sometimes ;). Don't worry honey, you're not old... you won't be old for a very very long time.

Whose siblings do you see the most?
mm... mine I suppose, although we don't see many of our siblings often overall. Sgt's siblings both live in different states than him, and mine live a few hours away. In a couple weeks we'll be far from them all.

Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
I suppose the thing that challenged us most as a couple is how we fight... our styles are almost polar so it's taken a lot for us to adjust to the other persons style... although I will say this, he has done WONDERFUL at this, I have a problem with holding stuff in to avoid an argument but he's so good at picking up on when I'm upset and has figured out how to get me to talk about it without making me feel forced. I wouldn't say I've done nearly as well as he has in that department, but I'm hoping I've made some progress!

Did you go to the same school?
We didn't. Grew up in different states!

Who is smarter?
We are both smart in different ways. Both of us can offer something to the table which is wonderful.

Who is the most sensitive?
*raises hand* that would be me.

Where do you eat out most as a couple?

We don't eat out a whole lot because we both love to cook and enjoy eating at home, even when we're visiting family. But we are fans of a wing joint in Tennessee called Toots! Although, we've ordered to go from there more than we go in to sit down :).

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Vermont over Christmas time. We're hoping to go on a fun vacation together sometime soon (and I say soon as in the next year) though... which reminds me.. I really need to get my passport. I know, I know... I'm the only person in the world over the age of 18 without a passport.

Who has the worst temper?
He does. Although he's not one to flip out over little things, but when he gets mad... he gets reallllly mad.

Who does the cooking?
We both do :). He's an amazing cook and I'm not bad, if I do say so myself! It's a fun way for us to spend time together and do something nice for each other.

Who is the neat-freak?
Depends on who you ask. If you ask Me, I'd say we're on a pretty even field. If you ask Sgt. he will tell you that I am definitely the neat-freak and then he will tell you how I iron sheets. We both like to keep things picked up, we both hate leaving dishes in the sink overnight, we both don't like clutter (even though we're pack rats...) so we tend to keep things clean. Neither of us is a spaz about it though.

Who is more stubborn?
That would be him. (I love you!)

Who hogs the bed?

Neither of us. We like to sleep close together for the most part, there have been a few times I've woken up in the middle of the night and we're sleeping really far apart but neither of us takes up a whole lot of space and I never feel like I don't have enough room. The blankets however... are a different story (remember how I said I woke up and we were far apart?)

Who wakes up earlier?
On a daily basis, he does, but only because he has to. I am the morning person of the two of us. I can hop out of bed first alarm. He is a 4X snoozer. He sleeps like a rock.

Where was your first date?

Bonzai sushi and the El Diablo tattoo parlor. :)

Who is more jealous?
Meeeee.

Who eats more?

Sgt. will eat more in one sitting than me, I have the classic "eyes-bigger-than-stomach" illness, but I'm convinced I snack more throughout the day than he does. And he eats a fairly small breakfast and lunch.

Who does the laundry?
We both do laundry since we both live on our own, but when we're together I try and keep up with the laundry. He doesn't mind doing it, I just tend to do it while cleaning.

Who’s better with the computer?

Him. Him. Him. I'm still not sure how many rams are enough and what is a good amount of gigabytes... if they're even still called that. I'm amazed I can even turn one on and use it.

Who drives when you are together?
He does usually. On road trips in MY car, we take turns. On road trips in HIS car... (which in fairness we've only done twice) he drives and around town he drives. Really, it's a good thing, he's a much safer driver than I am lol.

Oh No!

I lost all my widgets :(

Please, lets have a moment of silence for all of the annoyance it will cause me to put them back up.

I'm glad my other background is gone though!

17 days

17 days to go until the move!

Packing has begun... and I swear I did not know that there was that much dust on my bookshelf! Also, those huge ziplock storage bags are awesome, I totally recommend them.

In other news, my cousin's wife was sent home on hospice care Friday. I went to see my family this weekend and it was all very sad. She's just 27 years old... young, newly married... but she has been sick for a long time so I think it was harder watching my cousin watch his wife. It made me appreciate all the little moments I have had with Sgt. and all the ones I have to look forward to, even more. She is still hanging in there but we know it won't be long now so please say a prayer for my family if you have some room.

This is my last Monday at work... I can hardly believe it. A four year chapter is being closed here on Friday and as I told Sgt. this morning... I'm ok with it. I will miss them, they are my family, I love this place and it will always be a part of me, the experiences I have shared here were both small and large but no less a part of the story than anything else. I'm sure the sadness will hit next week sometime but it all feels right. It feels like the right time, going to the right place, leaving on a good note, and I'm so excited for the new experience ahead of me! So, watch out Tennessee, here I come!

It's funny how after returning from my long weekend with Sgt. over Valentines day, I suddenly felt like a visitor here. Not quite a visitor, it was familiar... and I fit in, I looked like the natives... but at some point over that weekend "Home" transferred for me. It was our apartment with the tough box furniture (save for another post, but honey, don't worry, I love you and there is absolutely nothing wrong with tough box furniture..... for now) and the comfy couch big and soft enough for two. Our kitchen with that large bakers rack and the dry erase board on the fridge that lists "Ketcup" among the other need-to-get items from the store. It was him, there when I woke up in the morning and hearing him sneak up behind me with a cup of coffee in his hand. Him playing video games with me and feeding me the dreaded orange gummie bears when I walked into a wall on said video game. I missed home... and in just a short 17 days, I'll be back!

Things are crazy busy right now and probably won't slow down so the blogging will be in and out but I'll do my best to keep you all updated! Until then, I'll be the girl with the huge smile on my face purchasing bubble wrap at the store :).

Tennessee or Ten-i-see?

I'm determined to get back on to the blogging horse. The Mrs. was right when she said it's hard when you've been away for a while!

I finally quit the unglamorous second job (Linds, nights are free again! Drinks, dinner?) and feel a huge weight off my shoulders. I was going to wait until a week before the move but after going back and forth about it, I decided the small amount of extra money it would give me was not worth my sanity. Hopefully having nights free again will also allow for more blog time seeing as I'm not working 14 hours a day anymore.

Right now I'm in Tennessee, the place that will soon become home, which is certainly a nice thought :). I was driving through the small town I live in the other day. It's like a lot of small towns, two stop lights, the local lumber yard and hardware store advertises the high school events on it's marquee. We have one restaurant you've ever heard of. Everything else has been passed down through families or built up by those who have finally saved enough money. We serve a lot of Mexican food in my little town. We have a small lake to the left as you're driving out to my house. The lake was just emptied for the first time in 15 years so that everyone could repair and rebuild their property along the lake. Small town gossip reports that Mr. Greedy pants built a ten foot extension onto his land and, oops!, built it onto his neighbors property so the next time they drain the lake (in the next 15 years) he'll have to tear it down. It's the kind of small town where the local gas station still does charge accounts.

These are the things I will surely miss about this place.

I suppose you notice things like that more often when you're preparing to leave. And, while I have no hesitation in the decision I've made, an ending is always a little sad.

Seems to be more than a fair trade though. Two stop lights for him. As the spring is starting to approach it's easy to remember all of the excitement of last year. Preparing for him to come home on leave, hearing about Green to Gold, him finally coming home for good. A year goes by so fast yet so many things change, it's sort of exciting to see! Makes a person wonder what all could change in the year ahead. A year ago on Valentines day (and you can read the post from that day last year as well) Sgt. had just come back in and I was finally able to talk to him after nearly two weeks. Now, here he is, sitting behind me on the couch reading.

Last night we went out to dinner and he surprised me by taking the evening off from work :), a year ago, taking a day off from work was impossible and being together was even more of a stretch.

I remember last February becoming more anticipatory of his leave. We hadn't seen each other in a year... what would be different? (and his leave was still 3 months off!) And now, in just 3 weeks I'll hang clothes in the closet and clutter the bathroom counter with too many beauty products I hardly use.

A year ago I was in the same small town with the same two stop lights, and soon enough I'll be in a new town, on a different adventure, yet with the same person. So like I said, it's a fair trade, the two stop lights, for him.

Happy Valentines day everyone!

So I was just thinking....

(anyone remember that episode of Everybody Loves Raymond? No?)

So I was just thinking...

That I need boxes, but I'm too cheap to pay for them, and I don't need many, just a few. What I really need are those ginormous zip lock bags that you use to store blankets and stuff in! Hmm... Wally world?

That I have a problem. A, I love looking at furniture and day dreaming, problem.

That it's single digits until my last "Visit" to Tennessee.... after that it'll be Home! :)

That Sgt. is one of the most encouraging and calming people in my life. Stress for me sort of becomes a boiling pot... and unattended to will boil over into other areas of my life. But he has an incredible way of letting me know everything will be ok, and that I need not worry so much about the micro details, they will come together. It's nice to be able to count on him for that, and I can only hope that I do the same for him.

(warning: rant) That trying to use a Spanish accent while speaking English to Spanish speakers does not make them understand you better, you just sound like an idiot. Now, I'm a Texan, and while I don't claim to be bilingual, I can get by, and I can EVEN appreciate a little spanglish from time to time. Ex. Yo necessito mas storage bags. and yes, a decent accent when speaking the Spanish language is welcome, just like any other foreign language.... but putting a Spanish accent in your mouth while speaking in complete English is STUPID. STOP. YOU'RE DRIVING ME NUTS.

That I'm going to miss this place... but leaving on a good note and while still in love with it is the ultimate reward and I am so incredibly excited about the future.

That I really hope he can go to the Sapper school this summer! Cause I know how much he'd like to, which makes it important to me.

That I'd like to go see an old high school teacher before I move.

That it's actually probably a good thing I'm not going to the rotc ball with him this year. Even though I really enjoy the events and getting to meet the other people he works with and their significant others (networking anyone?).. trying to coordinate getting back up there and yet again trying to figure out exactly what does "formal" mean, in this case for freshman in college.... Prom dress? Eww. all whilst trying to tie everything up back here in order to move... yeah, it's better this way. We can go together next year. Plus he is going to be one of the people in charge of putting it all together and he'll be working the whole time so it's better this way :).

That motivating myself to run at the butt crack of dawn when it's cold is difficult... but I'm working on it.

That I wish it was Friday already!!

& last but not least... I'm really blessed. Really, really.

Spring?!

Proof that I have potential to trick myself into believing I know anything about gardening, or that I will ever be capable of being the perfect image of wonderful homemaker and Marth-Stewart esq extraordinaire! beautify a home one day!

Look what I made! Or grew? Ok, so I watered it... that's all... but I'm proud of myself! This little beauty has been growing on the filing cabinet next to my desk for a few weeks now and it's the first thing I've ever grown from nothing to something. Sure I can keep things alive (which to be honest was all this involved...) but I checked the roots and tugged to strengthen and added water and... didn't do much else, ok fine, but it still smells good :) Flowers make me happy.

I feel like such a bad blogger lately. "You haven't blogged in a while" says my boyfriend one night while on the phone. If Sgt. is mentioning how long I've been away then I know I must not be keeping up. I know he checks it from time to time but he's hardly got a 1/4 of my insistent and impatient streak... "I know but I just don't have much to say, all I've got is how wonderful I think you are and I'm sure people get tired of reading that." "riiiight."

Plans are still in motion for moving up there! Every day is one day closer and I can't wait! I'll be up there over Valentines weekend and a couple weeks after that I'll be cashing in on a one way trip :). It still makes me all warm and fuzzy when he talks about how excited he is. We've slowly started to let the news out to friends and family. We agreed in the beginning to keep it to ourselves so we could avoid the outside influence. We didn't want our family or close friends to try and sway us one way or the other, even though we know they have the best of intentions, we wanted to do this on our own. We wanted it to be our decision and succeed or fail, to know we did it with a clear mind of what we were doing. So far the reaction has all been supportive and happy.

That's really it. Other than moving and working my life is day to day. Nothing bad, I'm happy! Just not a lot going on. Oh, I did my taxes today! umm... I've been looking into going back to school to get a CNA or LPN (LVN) certification once I get to TN, still thinking on it though. Oh, and I'm jealous.

Wait, what?

That didn't come out right.

Ok, fine, it did. I'm jealous. I thought a lot about if I wanted to blog on this today... honestly I was looking for another way to explain it but it's best to get it out there, I've got a jealous streak. And not the fun, oh my gosh I'm so jealous of those shoes! Kind of way. No. I don't even get jealous over the fun stuff... I'm happy for you, wonderful shoes, but I am happy with my life, what I have, and grateful, but it's come to my attention that I'm somewhat... have a streak... of jealous girlfriend in me.

Not the psycho, "Hi, I'm sure you've heard of me, stop talking to my boyfriend" kind of way.... I SWEAR (honey, seriously, you know I'm not) I'm jealous is in the "I talked to so and so the other day!" "oh yeah? How is she? (refraining, literally forcing myself to not ask, "what did she want? What did you guys talk about?)" It's like the good angel and the bad angel on my shoulder.... because the HONEST truth is I'm glad he's got those friends, they sound like nice girls, heck maybe WE could even be friends one day too, who cares if once upon a time they had a thing for/were in love with my boyfriend. Oh, wait. That would be me.

And I don't care, really, because I am one of the biggest "Yes, you can be friends with an ex" advocate. After time of course, but I see no reason to hate or never talk to someone who you just don't work out with romantically. But I do care. In fact, IIII am friends, strictly friends, hows the family? Hows the new girlfriend? Congrats on the baby! kind of friends with a few of my ex's. Unless it really bothered Sgt. and he felt uneasy about it, I'll continue to be friends with them. Double standard much? That's why it's so frustrating, I don't want to be jealous, I know with my whole heart he loves me, and that he wants me, that he has no interest in seeing what else is out there, and I know he chooses me. That I'm his person, and that he's my person (you know the person you go to with the good and the bad and the everyday) and that the fact that he's able to move on from the past hurt and remain cordial and friendly to these girls is just another testament to his character.

I'm not the jealous, eye dagger, snooty kind of jealous. I'm the... "ok... but I just don't want her to one day call and say 'Listen, I know you have a girlfriend, but I'm in love with you... I miss you" and you to say "sorry, but we can still be friends" because I know girls... and we're persistent. And dang it, I don't want someone else wanting my boyfriend! Especially someone he would have coffee with to say hi. I don't want her fantasising about having his last name and getting a dog together... those are my fantasies... :-/. (Ok, that sounded a little spoiled brat...)

God Bless the man, really, because he's incredibly patient. We had this conversation last night and the whole time he never got upset or annoyed, he was telling me about a conversation with one of these ladies and I could feel that feeling. And then we talked about it. And he just kind of laughed and gave advice and reassured and did everything I needed and wanted and more. No, he's not excusing it, and doesn't think it's ok, but he can understand where it comes from and knows it's not that I don't trust him. Really. Because if he said "I think I'm going to grab lunch with so and so" My first, second, and third thought would not involve him cheating on me or disrespecting our relationship... I'm just, jealous she's having lunch with my boyfriend.

Oh my gosh, I get his point now. He said something last night that made sense, sort-of, but I think I just got it. He said that he knows the jealousy thing isn't about him... and that he believes that I trust him and that he's been there before so he knows what I'm talking about, and he said "it has to do with ownership..." "I do not feel like I own you" "No? ok, probably not in the obvious way or even in a rational, that's how you think you feel way... but sometimes there's a sense of entitlement behind it all" that's not word for word but close enough... and you know what, the fact that I just said "She's having lunch with MY boyfriend" and definitely got the image of me yanking him backwards like little kids do with toys when they don't want to share, makes sense.

And no, I don't want to share. And yes, he's my boyfriend... but deep down there is probably a sense of you're mine, and she can't have you. When really, it's he's mine because he wants to be mine. I have no idea if that makes sense in writing but, he'll be glad to hear I think I finally get his point!

The short of it all is that he respects how I feel about it, and is willing to meet me in the middle on it and make sure that he's not doing things he thinks would appear shady to me and he's being patient and not getting upset or defensive when I admit that I get those feelings. And also, I really have nothing against these women. They've never done anything either that I felt crossed a line or was obviously wrong (except letting this guy go, but I'm willing to give them a medal for it if need be.... their loss is my gain)... I immediately feel bad for getting that jealous feeling, so it's not that I LIKE feeling this way... *sigh* I'm working on it. I'll work on it. Maybe we can have them over for dinner one night... would that be too weird? I'd go to dinner with my ex and his fiance if invited. Maybe he and I can talk about it.

If they step in the other room to talk and close the door though.... it's on.

Like I said, I'll work on it!

short and sweet

This is my five seconds that I will talk about the inauguration and recap my thoughts as I watched the whole thing:

-CNN has too much background noise
-I never knew Randy Zuckerburg, co-creator of facebook, was a woman
-Jenna Bush's husband looks like the all American quarterback
-I wonder if all the first ladies had to coordinate their outfits so no one clashed or was too matchy matchy.
-Sasha and Malia's escort (lady in pink coat) looks cranky and rude, I hope that's not their new nanny.
-Loved Rick Warren's opening prayer.
-Aretha Franklin can wear whatever she wants.
-Yo-Yo Ma makes me smile because he's very smiley while playing Cello.
-I just recited the VP oath with him because it's the same as the military oath... I know too much.
-Wow, that's a ton of people.
-President elect Obama looks calm
-The Chief Justice should have practiced the oath a few more times
-I thought for a second those cannons were someone actually shooting - scary.
-He is definitely a good speaker... I just hope he is also good at taking action
-Ok, the comment about men and women fighting overseas always gets me... still, and he's home.
-The poem was ok.
-Why the white people always gata be wrong, huh?!
-If I was Former President Bush, I'd be relaxing at home tonight with blackout curtains, a strong drink, a home cooked meal, and absolutely no TV on.
-Congratulations Mr. President... don't let us down!

**** Ok, on to my life now ****

So... the move is coming up! About six weeks to go :) Sgt. and I continue to talk about things we need to get done between now and then and it's awesome, :) I love it. Last time it seemed as though our tentative move date was looming and it felt very heavy and stressful, this time, while there is still a lot to get done, it doesn't feel like the time can come soon enough! I can't wait to be there, and he shares the same feeling. I love that we are just enjoying this time and the steps along the way, I love that we are taking it slow, (I know some people wouldn't consider me moving in with him slow but hey, to each their own) and not committing ourselves to a house in a year and a wedding in a year and a half.... we're committing ourselves to what we can, to live together and to enjoy each other in the same city, on a daily basis for 6 months and from there, we'll see where it leads us. If it does lead us to a house in a year and a wedding in a year and Ft. somewhere in three, then it will without us pushing it.

To be honest, for a self admitted planner, sometimes I struggle with not having it all planned out... but then I think about him and how confident I am in us.... he is the plan. How it all happens will be revealed in time and I'm ok with that. I'm ok with our life being an adventure, in fact, I'm kind of freakin thrilled about the thought!

We talked a little bit the other night about how we think in the next few weeks our arguments will increase due to stress levels and just wanting the move to be done with, for me to just be there. It calms me to hear things like this, I love that we are so committed to it and are also being expectant of certain bumps within the process. To me, it says that we're in it together, that we know it's not going to be a cakewalk, but we'll make it through the process together, and if we were wrong and it's not the right timing then it's not and we'll work on that from there.

I'm trying to put a to-do list together of things I need to get done over the next month. The idea is that the last week will be spent packing up and visiting people and not spent running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Maybe I'm a little too optimistic but, I like having a to-do list anyway.

Any tips that helped you make a smooth move? I'm always open to suggestions! P.S. For those of you who'd like to help, say a prayer for me that I'll find a good job!

Did I mention that I can't wait?

I need your help

Does anyone out there know how to center your sidebar titles? They're always pushed to the left but the pictures will be centered and it's annoying the crap out of me. I tried the HTML < center > thing and got nothing.... any other ideas?

Err... I mean center the pictures... am I making ANY sense? Any at all?

Mix-Matched updates!

Well it's Friday, and who really has the fortitude to focus solely on one thing for very long when it's Friday? Not me. It's that time again when I have lots of little topics I wanted to blog about but nothing that's really interesting enough on its own, however, with their combined power (trying to think of that line from the Captain Planet cartoon.... drawing a blank...) they could possibly meld into something interesting! Maybe? *shrug*

***
On the moving in with Sgt. front, things are still moving along! We're both really looking forward to it, I'd venture to say it comes up at least once a day as a topic of conversation.

The other night I was reading through a cookbook of mine (Lindsay... I blame you) while he was watching TV at the apartment (yes, we hang out on the phone.... and I love it!) and I was mentioning recipes that sounded good and made a joke about how "This is all really about the kitchen honey... I'm excited to see you but lets be honest" and he laughed and said something like "I can't wait to cook with you in our kitchen" - did you catch that? Ourrrrr kitchen :). Cue the swooning and sappy post about how I am so in love with that man.

They always say hindsight is twenty-twenty, and looking back, it's easy to see how we weren't quite ready or as confident about our decision. Granted, a few months isn't a long time in the grand scheme of things but in those few months we were able to survive a very difficult time together, and through that, we learned more about each other. We learned to communicate better, and learned how to support and love one another best. I would say that this time isn't as idealistic.... it's not all thinking about sunshine and furniture placement and deciding when we're getting engaged but I feel more confident in us than ever before. He is without a doubt the love of my life, my best friend, and the person I rely on and run to. We are both so looking forward to this opportunity and in about 7 short weeks, we'll finally get it! :)

***
On the running and exercise goals front, I've done alright! Mostly stuck to my training plan and logged about 7 miles this week so far! Ran 22 min. the other day without taking a break which isn't bad for starting over. My biggest problem is wanting to push myself too far and not being patient with my body. I opted for a timed two mile the other day on my "easy day" because I didn't feel like the prescribed work out was enough, but my running mentor and Sgt. both told me that I have to give my body time to catch up, to recover, and to get used to it. The easy days are what that's for. Fiiiine. I'll get there, I just have to keep reminding myself to be patient. DAR, I actually went back to re-read your posts about when you first started running and seeing how far you've come is a big encouragement! So thanks! It's frustrating when you were at a certain athletic level and then you dropped off because you were "busy" instead of keeping it up. I just want to be back to where I was but I know it will take some time. Slow and steady, right? When I'm finally all moved up to Tennessee, I look forward to running and training with Sgt., he's a great encourager but won't let me wuss out, which is sometimes what I'd like to do :).

***

So last night at the not-so-glamorous second job, I was called a f-ing C by a customer because - are you ready for this? - Because his receipt didn't have a date on it. No, I'm serious. Nothing was wrong with his order, nothing took a long amount of time, his receipt just didn't have a date on it and was "F-ing unacceptable." He wanted us to call the cops. - As Sgt. would say, I think Darwin was an optimist. Did I mention he was wearing a plaid button down and driving a purple mini-van? I hope I see him at church on Sunday, since he looks like the stereotypical youth soccer coach and local deacon. This, my friends, is the type of thing you hear about right before the eye-witness says "And then he pulled a gun out and just started shooting people" Thank you Mr. Crazy Man, for giving me something to laugh about, please take some medication and don't ever come by there when I'm working again.

***

There you have it folks! Another day, another post :).
Adios!

Want to know a secret?

Someone once told me that sometimes people mistake patience and waiting as faith.... when in reality, more often, faith is taking action, doing something, and believing that things will work out, or at least work out the way they're supposed to. I think it can be both, but I particularly like this thought today. :)

See... if we were talking in real life I would tell you that I have some news to share. You might become interested, or excited. I'd act all nonchalant.... talking about goals and that faith quote up there. You would probably begin to get irritated and say something to the affect of "Spit it out already woman!" I'd sort of smile... enjoying the anticipation of telling you my good news...

That's all very likely, but the truth is I'm sort of nervous to tell you my news. I mean... what if I spit it out and jinx it... ok, so I don't really believe in that, but should I? Or what if I say it and get excited and then something happens and plans fall through? The time frame isn't long but as most of us know, a lot can happen in a day... imagine weeks, months? Maybe I worry too much? I'm quite the over-thinker.

Oh, but my excitement and joy and "Why not? Let's just go for it!" attitude is way surpassing my nerves. The thing about it, is that I can make excuses all day as to why a different time might be better, I should save more money, or I should do this or that first.... I can think about the "What-if's" as much as I'd like... "what if something goes wrong?" "what if I'm not ready for this responsibility" but maybe... maybe for once those aren't the what if's on my mind... maybe the what if's are - what if this is exactly what is supposed to happen, and the pieces just seem to be falling into place? What if you are finally getting the opportunity you've both wanted? Because, I'm EXCITED.... and sometimes, it's ok to just go for it, just do something, be mindful, but don't be scared. Want to know what I think? Lots of people, probably even me, could think of reasons not to - but I only need the one reason why it's a good idea. And I'm blessed to have more than one reason.

It's a good idea because I want it, because I love him, because he loves me, because he asked. It's a good idea because we will finally get the opportunity to try on our life in the same city. It's a good idea because life feels off balance when we're apart, and because when I lay in bed at night the empty spot next to me reminds me of a time when there was no choice about the empty spot... a time that a lot of you are going through now, and now there IS a choice about the empty spot. The empty spot could be replaced by him, my best friend. It's a good idea because it's progress and even if we learn it was a bad idea in hindsight... we learn, we grow, we'll know a little bit more then, than we know now.

It's a good idea because someone once asked me "So, KJ where do you want to be?" and I looked over at a man who was in mid conversation, who turned around, smiled at me, and squeezed my hand three times. And when I turned back around to look at the person who had asked me this question, the answer came easily "Wherever he is."



Sgt. asked me to move in with him :) - I told him to take a week to make sure that's what he really wants - but he seems very sure, very excited, and it would appear that a plan.... is already in motion. :)