Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Holiday fever.

Things between Sgt. and I are going wonderfully! Really, it's good to feel like we're getting back to "us." We continue to talk about our time apart and all that was involved with that which I think is important and healthy, but we are now able to discuss it without hurt feelings. We can talk about what we were feeling or trying to say and there's not this big worry that it's going to upset the other or make things worse. Love it! We're both excited about this weekend and looking forward to getting away, meeting on neutral ground, and getting to just be together.

I'd like to take just a moment to brag on him for a minute if I can. We are making lots of plans for the upcoming holiday season. With four different families to attend to and three different states involved, spanning all the way north to all the way south and slightly east... to say that the next couple months will be busy is an understatement. Sgt however is taking it all by the horns and is doing everything he can to make things run as smoothly as possible. I tend to worry a lot around the holidays over family issues. Ever the people pleaser, I am usually making sure no one feels alone or left out, making sure that I get to spend time doing some of the things I'd like to do, and making sure that things are set up early enough so we don't have to freak about it when the time comes. The man is doing everything he can to reassure me and take some of the weight off. Better than that though, he's including me in it! He's asking for my input but then taking care of the final process. He's asking what I'd like to do and then offering any help he can, and it is awesome!

Something I ran into this year is Thanksgiving. I really love thanksgiving but it's been difficult the last few years with the way my family operates. My dad and his new wife usually head to her families house which is a few hours away and doesn't leave a lot of room to see anyone else on the day. New wife is pretty good with the guilt trip scheme and often pauses and sighs when I am trying to decide if I can make it or not. I love my dad, and my brother whom I'm incredibly close to will probably go along with them... but spending time with her is absolutely draining, and sometimes I have to bite my tongue around her.

My mom lives with her... boyfriend? Who I despise, and who is a complete jerk, and treats my mom like much less than she deserves so I've also avoided going over there for Thanksgiving, mostly under protest and because of the fact that I can't stand to be around the guy for more than 30 min. However, this has made me feel guilty because although my mom and I have a history full of drama and low points... she is my mom, and the fact that she has none of her children with her and is surrounded by someone who at best acknowledges her and at worst embarrasses her - particularly during the holidays - is hard.

Sgt.'s family who has become as much a part of my family as anyone else, invited me out for their Thanksgiving last year and to avoid my own family drama I attended and it was great!

This year Sgt. is home, which adds in a whole new fun element :) (and I do not mean that in a snarky way at all. Having him home for the holidays is an incredible blessing!) Because I want to spend time with him, and vice versa, and because our families want to spend time with us... it makes for an interesting situation. For Christmas this year Sgt. and I are heading north to visit his other family and we will be there for Christmas. I broke the news to my parents this past weekend and my dad took it well, as he really likes Sgt. and understands that it's my choice. My mom, despite the fact of not having spent an entire Christmas day with me in about 4 years, kind of went nuts and wasn't really receptive to the fact. She gets it... and she will be fine... but since I won't be seeing her at Christmas I decided that this year, I would see her for Thanksgiving.

I was explaining all this to Sgt. and how we would probably end up spending Thanksgiving apart but that I would see him later that day, that I caved and decided to spend some time with my mom. Keep in mind that he hasn't gotten to spend a thanksgiving with his own family in... two, maybe three years? Yet, without hesitation, he asked me if I would like him to come with me. There wasn't a hint of obligation in his voice. He told me he knew that often, times spent with my mom were emotionally draining, that he knew I felt uncomfortable in the house, and that if I wanted his support, even just to know he was there, he'd be glad to do it. He offered to miss the main meal with his own family, to spend it with my dysfunctional one.. and with me. Completely selfless and putting me first. Wow. I told him how much I appreciated it and how much it would mean to me and DOES mean to me... but I don't think I can ever put what I really mean into words. I told him we wouldn't stay all day. We could get there early, I could help her cook, we may or may not stay until the meal time, but that come hell or high water, I would have him back at his families for their main meal... because him getting to spend time with his OWN family for Thanksgiving is important to me. I don't want him to miss it, even though I don't think he would complain and I know he is ready and willing to show up later on... him getting to do that is something I want, even more so now that he is offering to not do it in exchange for supporting me.

Even when we go through hard times, and even when we hit a wall - I can always be reminded that on even the worst day, his encouraging words and his unwavering chivalry will pull me through. And of course, it's always nice to be able to have someone to laugh with about the nuts throw into the recipe :)