Friday, October 31, 2008

I love you

And if for no other reason, that one is good enough.

Sgt. called. So no, we didn't quite make it to our two weeks. Truth is, I was dying for him to call anyway, I missed having him there. Sgt. is my best friend, the person I want to talk to as soon as anything happens. On top of that, I am in love with the man. Not getting to share things with him or having him a part of my life, hurt. The day before I had finally decided that no matter what, I would be just fine, that I loved him enough to let him go if that's really what he needed, but darn it, I just wanted him back in my life! I just wanted to tell him that I spilled coffee all over myself trying to rush out the door in the morning!

We talked a lot. I mean, phone on the side of the face is really hot, a lot. Phone battery is dying, a lot. However, I promised that I would keep the details of our conversation just between us and I have in all the other areas of my life, as I will here.

We agreed that we wanted to keep trying. That we're not perfect, and that there are things we can and will work on. We both need to communicate with each other more and there are places in our relationship where we need to figure out a balance, as we react on very opposite ends of the spectrum to the same situation. But I think, that our faith in each other, the love that we share, and our willingness and desire to figure it out will make everything come back together and grow stronger with time.

He loves me, and I love him. Good and bad, past, present, and future - he's what I want. I know it will take some time. We won't be able to just jump back in and pretend none of this happened, it did happen, and we'll allow it to be a part of our story together.

As much as I hated our time apart, and he did as well, looking back on it I think it was necessary. Not in every relationship, (and I certainly won't propose it as a solution the next time we argue because if it happens again it becomes a problem in itself, not a solution) but we needed to look at our relationship with each other as one piece of an otherwise large puzzle. Everything else that is going on in our lives, with reintegration and with school and with work and with the distance... it's all a piece of the puzzle, but what WE have together, what we are to each other, is something that we stopped looking at individually and we needed a harsh reminder. It wasn't fun, but sometimes the necessary isn't.

We're planning on seeing each other in about a week and I can't wait! The last time we were holding each other it felt like my heart was tearing apart, and I look forward to replacing that last memory with a better one. With one as us starting another chapter, completely in love and completely determined. Neither of us knows the answers, but we're willing to figure them out together, with each others help... and I couldn't ask for more than that. :)

11 comments:

d.a.r.

Oh my goodness, I am so relieved and happy for you. You two are still in my prayers as you take the steps to make things work.

Erin

That is awesome!! I am so happy for you!

Becca

sorry I've been MIA from commenting lately, but I am absolutely thrilled to read this post! I'm so happy for you that things are on the upswing again and that you and Sgt. are communicating and committed to finding a balance! I didn't know you were in SA too, now I'll have to meet both you and Lindsay! :) We should have a "Ladies Night!"

S.Lovely

YES! I've been waiting for you to post ever since I saw your status on facebook. I'm SO SO SO happy that you guys were able to work something out. It's inspirational to all of us, the fact that even when shit happens...love carries through. I think you have a good point about stepping back every once in a while to get some perspective on any relationship. Sometimes you can be too close and it distorts everything in your life.
Looking forward to hearing how your next trip is!

Kristen

I'm so glad that things are looking up! I hope you have a great time together next week and that things just keep getting better!!!

kd

I am so happy for you! I just knew he would come around and you guys would be back on the road to "Happily Ever After" soon enough

J.L.S.

Awwww!! I am so happy for you! I hope this trip is exactly what you have been needing for the last week or so. Just wrap each other up in all of the love you have for one another!

indiana.girl

I am so glad to hear things are working out.

loquita

Lord knows I have been around the block on this one, unfortunately in the SGT role. I'm really happy that you guys are going to stay together, I did not like hearing about you being sad. *hugs*

I just wanted to say that I really appreciate you writing down so much of what was happening between the two of you. Like I said, this was a lot like what LT and I went through last year, just with the boy-girl roles reversed. Our biggest sticking point lately was that we had to really sit down and talk about everything that was happening at that time. You are giving some good perspective, instead of just being stuck knowing what was in my head, and what LT tells me was in his.

Rebecca

I'm so glad that y'all are going to work through this! I'm so happy for you.

Lindsay

Yay! What a relief. I'm so glad he made that call! I'm even more glad that you are going to see him next week and get to have that wonderful face to face time to trule appreciate each other.

Lots of happy thoughts for you today. Serious question though, when are you coming back down to SA??